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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oof. My DH would do this. He has (recently diagnosed) ADHD , but he is also kind of an asshole, and I am still trying to untangle which of his behaviors are ADHD and which ones are asshole. He has improved since meds but it has been only 4-5 months so still sorting it out. The way I would interpret MY DH's thought in this scenario is like: "I am too overwhelmed to deal with this sudden requirement, so I will just get outta here"

And this happens on autopilot, because it is a habitual behavior, formed in childhood. The habitual behavior leaves no space for a moment of empathy, as in, what does it mean to my DW that I do this? He would do it without even considering feelings, but feel badly about my feelings when he must consider them later.

Then, when he is confronted, yes, some gaslighting "I didn't hear you." (Which in the case of ADHD, sometimes they really do tune out, so you second-guess yourself. If he is an asshole, don't second-guess)

Then finally, he blames it on you - "didn't get kid in car seat for me" (because the ADHD person needs to get rid of the shame and/or always requires your help; the asshole is the same).

(I actually really love my DH by the way.)[/quote]
Yuck. All unacceptable and inexcusable no matter what is driving it. (Which you will never determine)[/quote]

Same with my aspergers spouse. It’s destroyed the marriage and relationship with me and the children and anyone that vacations with us.

The incompetence, then temper tantrum, then lies & gaslighting, then blame and deflect onto others. So predictable yet scary and sad. Sad that this is the father of my children and this is how he behaves, time and time again. He even gaslights and blames his own young children for stuff he did wrong or forgot or messed up.  It’s so scary and so sad.[/quote]

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