Reply to I Don’t Even Know How to Answer This

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are specific ways of communicating so as not to escalate.

My ex and I switched to email only for a while when things were contentious. Or you could use one of the communications apps for divorced parents.

Send brief informative messages related to the kids/logistics.

Edit your emails to remove unnecessary phrases that can be read as snarky. the "surely you can understand," "as we have discussed multiple times." Just say what needs to be said.

Let go of having the last word or calling out bad behavior. If she escalates, don't respond or only respond with essential info. "I will pick up at 5:00" or "yes, I can take Larla to the dentist appoinment."

[b]IF she accuses you of doing the things that she is actually doing, just ignore.[[/b]/quote]

This is what she does.  I will ignore it.  Other people here who are saying I am the problem don't understand the context of the relationship. STBX is diagnosed NPD. [/quote]

Some of us understand that your STBX has mental health issues and has bad behavior. However, it seems that you don't understand your role in your relationship, and your lack of empathy for your mentally ill wife says volumes. You desperately want us to believe that you're this perfectly rational person who's always on the side of right, but there's a reason you married someone with mental health issues who behaves badly. You want to cast her as the villain with you as the hero and you don't see how crazy YOU are to keep forcing this narrative even when you're divorcing. This is clearly more important to you than trying to create the best possible foundation for your children.

Get therapy to see your role in this, drop your end of the rope, show some compassion for the mother of your children, and try to build an amicable co-parenting relationship. Or just stay crazy. Your choice.[/quote]

Assuming he has no mental disorders if his own and isn’t projecting here…

Good for him for filing for divorce.  That is a big step, and likely means he has already grieved his lack of a life partner and marriage and this is the best of the bad options.  He likely already tried talking, “compassion,” supports, interventions, paid help, etc. Mental disorders can bring down a whole family.

I hope he is in some support groups for spouses of such afflicted individuals.

There is light in the other side.

Don’t expect normal conversations with people with spectrum disorders (bps, bipolar, and /or ASD).

Know your truth. Be short and sweet. Keep a journal. Get your kids therapy so they know good and bad behaviors.[/quote]

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