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Reply to "Friends who cannot seem to get away - what gives?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I have never really understood it either. I go out to dinner with mom friends a couple times a month. Some of us get there on time because we can just have our husbands do dinner and/or bedtime. Others either get there really late or flake out because they either can’t or don’t want to leave before their kids are down and some of their kids take forever to go to bed. I can’t imagine not being able to trust my husband to handle it himself. But my perspective comes from the fact that he travels for work a lot and I have had to handle it myself plenty of times including when the kids were very young. There was no choice. I don’t ever have to travel for work so I feel like it evens out if I get to go out sometimes and let him handle the chaos. It’s getting easier now that our oldest is elementary age and our youngest is a preschooler. But I still went out even when they were a baby and a preschooler (once past the newborn frequently nursing stage). I would usually get the baby down myself and let him handle the preschooler. Now I don’t think it’s a big ask to get both to bed. A couple times a month is not a lot and certainly way fewer nights than my husband is away for work.

I think some husbands get bent out of shape about their wives leaving the house at that time of night and it’s not worth it to the wife to fight about it. For one friend in particular I get a controlling vibe from her husband. I think husbands who don’t have social lives of their own get jealous when their wife wants fo go meet friends and that comes out as him acting like the wife is being neglectful fo want to leave at that time. Others may just be totally inept. Either way I don’t buy the idea that every mom who can’t seem to get out at night is staying home because they just can’t bear to be away from their kids. We’re not talking about doing it every week. I can’t imagine feeling like I needed permission to go out. I always run it by my husband to make sure it’s a night he will be around. But he knows better than to give me a hard time about it when he’s out at fancy steakhouse dinners with customers while I hold down the fort at home multiple nights in a row several times per month. [/quote]

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