Reply to I have an egalitarian marriage, and I HATE it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You don’t have an egalitarian marriage because you seem to be carrying all the mental load. I never have to communicate with my husband because I know he is just going to get stuff done. We have clearly defined roles, although we don’t bean count. For example he handles dental/orthodontist appointments, I handle medical. He does all the cooking and grocery shopping (but I’ll stop at the store if I see we need something) and I handle laundry, finances, registration for kid activities/camps, and keeping the bathrooms clean and trash and recycling. And so forth.  Some of the split is the result of who is more talented (he’s a great cook for example) and some are just by chance (he happened to take our oldest to his first orthodontist appointment and just kind of stuck with it.). We have a shared Google calendar that my whole family uses (including my now teenagers) and a shared gmail that I use for school and activities so we both see everything. We have a strong partnership and philosophy that we are in this thing together so if he texts me that he got hung up at work and can I pivot to pick the kids up instead of him, it’s fine because I know he’d do the same for me without question. He did a lot of the aftercare pickups when the kids were little and even had the numbers of a few other kids parents to text to sign out our kids if he was a running a few minutes late, and he’d do the same for them.

We’ve been married now over 20 years and life is great. You can do this better. [/quote]

This. “Egalitarian” isn’t “one person does all the planning and the other person in theory executes 50% of the time”

Those marriages do look miserable and the husband usually wants a gold star for doing less than half. I would outsource the cleaning, keep the cooking for yourself and give (entirely) responsibilities to DH.[/quote]

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