Reply to Making an ADHD kid apologize to the teacher and whole class after a meltdown

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. It was the teacher’s idea and already happened/was reported to me by teacher. I was horrified. But after talking to DC it sounds more like she just said she was sorry during class but it  wasn’t a huge deal. The meltdown was getting frustrated during an activity, shouting and ripping up her paper. It has happened two other times during this same activity in a few weeks.  So it was using materials inappropriately. It is certainly possible there are other issues (I am starting to suspect ASD) but the low frustration tolerance and lack of emotional regulation can be ADHD. We are making an appointment to discuss medicating (dr wanted to wait until school was back  full time in perso  and we saw how things were going.) I definitely think it’s time.

She has IEP goals  around managing frustration. I sympathize with the teacher about class being disrupted. I don’t want this to happen. But I don’t think shaming and blaming is going to work. Teacher also told me her behavior is causing at least one other kid to be unkind to her which the teacher is trying to manage/change.

There will be an IEP meeting. I want the teacher to get more support. But I’m also mad. [/quote]

She had to apologize to the whole class?
Sorry that's not okay. DC had a camp where the instructors brought kids who were "misbehaving" up to the front of the room and made them just sit there after apologizing to the group. It was just like they made them wear a dunce cap.
It's not appropriate and does not do anyone any good. She didn't do it on purpose. She got frustrated and they need to teach her how to manage that frustration, not shame her which may backfire and make her angry and resentful.[/quote]

But sometimes you have to apologize for things you didn't mean to do. The other kids might have been scared or alarmed when OP's DD had her outburst. Apologizing might actually help repair those relationships and humanize her.

What you describe sounds shaming, but what OP describes does not. A huge factor for me is that the child does not seem upset about apologizing. That indicates it was done in a way that was not shaming.

I think some of the negative reactions in this thread might be because many people view apologizing as admitting "I was bad." But we should all learn that what apologies actually mean is "I'm sorry I hurt you." They are about the other person. It's an act of empathy.[/quote]

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