Reply to How do some people luck out with great adult kids and others have kids who abandon them

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Even within the same family, you can see such major differences between siblings which makes me think it can’t be solely how one is raised. I [/quote]

Agreed, I think people ascribe too much agency to parents. I'm the oldest and I know when my parents get older it will all be on me. Is it because I'm the only daughter? Is it because I'm the only neurotypical one? (I don't think so, at some point being being totally self centered is on you, not ADHD.) My brothers haven't been scarred or mistreated by our parents, I just can't see them going out of their way for anyone.[/quote]

It's going to vary from family to family. I will say that coming from a dysfunctional family with a ton of abuse and neglect, there was a "golden child" dynamic with my older sister that persisted until my parents were in their 70s, and she had a similar attitude to this for a long time -- assumed the rest of us were just self centered and dumping the responsibility for our parents on her. But then she went to therapy (because my parents are a nightmare and being with them so much was causing huge problems for her) and she finally came to terms with the abuse in our family. Now all the siblings work together to make sure my parents have their basic needs taken care of, but none of us are taking on their mental health. They will move into a home soon and we'll visit and make sure the bills get paid. But I think at one point my sister assumed the rest of us were abandoning her to care for our parents on her own, and now she understands that we were simply holding firm boundaries to protect ourselves from further abuse. It was such a relief when she figured this out and now we can be a team.[/quote]

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