Reply to Son rude to my parents - but only in one context

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[quote=Anonymous]I agree that's tough. Can you have a open conversation with him about it over the weekend when he's in a good mood and brainstorm ideas together? Acknowledge that you know it's really hard for him, and be sincere that you want to find solutions that help alleviate the stress on him while also addressing the unacceptable way he is treating his grandparents so that they are not hurt when they are doing something helpful for your family. Listen to him, and be willing to advocate for him to your mom. Maybe the solution is that he writes your parents a short note, with your help (you could type it together, if asking him to do it on his own is too big a burden), apologizing for his behavior but telling them that is difficult for him to engage when he's tired and stressed about tutoring. He could commit to giving them a friendly greeting and saying "thanks" when they drop him off if they are willing to let him sit the rest of the ride in silence listening to his headphones and being grumpy. And have him include at the end that he's really happy to see them other times! Hearing it directly from your son, your mom might be more willing to get with the program, give him some space, and not be hurt. And then if he successfully does what you agreed to, praise and reward him for being mature about it!

I think what you want to communicate is that it's okay to be upset about tutoring, all the adults are going to give him some leeway there because you know it's hard, but he needs to do his part by extending some basic courtesy.  If he's part of finding a tenable solution, he might be more willing to go along with it, and you're also teaching him that being upfront about your needs and communicating them is a good way to buy some grace when you know you might be a bit of a jerk to someone, which is not a bad life lesson![/quote]

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