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[quote=Anonymous]I was in the exact same situation. Leave the marriage. There is zero excuse for abuse and while infidelity isn’t the answer, it also highlights how broken things are. Even our therapists made it clear that abuse is in a league of its own. While I wish I had the strength to get out before my affair, the truth is that I didn’t and it took the affair for me to realize I was being abused. It became my lifeline. In fact, I never even saw it as abuse before… I only made excuses for my ex by saying he was a “good guy with anger issues” or maybe had untreated adhd. But no. He was just someone who chose to manipulate me through rage, sex, and verbal abuse. If I had the strength to leave instead of cheat, I would have also had the strength to leave because he was abusive. But all I can say is you live and learn and hindsight is 20/20. When I finally told my friends specifics of how he was behind closed doors (because he was Mr Perfect in front of others), the reactions on their faces showed me that my ‘normal’ wasn’t in fact normal at all. I normalized abuse. An affair helped me see that. Bottom line is the marriage is unhealthy and harmful and no matter what you shouldn’t stay in it. Abusers lack empathy and don’t change: they just learn to manipulate in a new way.[/quote]

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