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[quote=Anonymous]I can only speak from my own experience.

My kid is undeniably cute. However, she has gone through phases where she is more attractive than others. This is really common for kids -- awkward phases are real. I can tell you we don't treat her better when she looks cuter. If anything, I tend to be a little more understanding/doting when she's in an awkward phase, for two reasons. One, if she's aware of it, I want to make sure she knows that we love her no matter what she looks like, that she is important and worthwhile no matter what, even if she has acne or an awkward growth spurt or hasn't grown into her nose yet. I don't want her to associate love with attractiveness, I want her to feel worthy of love and attention no matter what.

And two, I think OTHER people treat her better when she looks cute, and I think she has either figured this out or will soon, and I want to provide some counterbalance to that. It's inevitable and something we all learn. At best, I think it can become a tool we use -- get a flattering haircut, wear clean well-fitting clothes, and people treat you better. Not good or fair, but real, and a useful lesson. But at worst, it can becomes something people internalize and cause depression or feelings of worthlessness because you don't feel others find you attractive. I had PPD after she was born and a big trigger for me was feeling unattractive as a new mom and feeling like people didn't like or care about me anymore because of how my appearance had changed. I don't want my DD to ever feel that way if I can help it, or I want to try and give her some personal resources to lean on if she does.

I don't know if, as an adult, she'll wind up super cute as she is today, or more awkward as she was last year. I want to prepare her for life either way, because I know she's an amazing human with a ton to give far beyond her appearance, and I want to make sure that looks (of any variety) don't stand in the way of her participating in society.[/quote]

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