Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two grandsons both 7 years old. One is very cute but when we see him he barely says hello and basically just tolerates us. The other has average looks but when we see him he runs up to us, hugs us and loves to spend time with us. Which of the two would you prefer?

This!!! I have a cute son but he is pretty aloof and keeps to himself most of the time. I often take him and his friend on outings. The friend is polite, nice, outgoing, smart (they are both smart but my son sticks to one topic whereas his friend can really hold a conversation with an adult). The friend is average looking but I almost prefer him to my son

I want my child (currently 4) to be like your son’s friend. What do you think the parents did right?

I have no idea! Their other son is quite different (something between mine and his younger brother). I think it’s genetic tbh. Parents are quirky too, so it’s not even like he takes after them!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Most parents think their kids are beautiful even when they’re not.

That said, I feel so sorry for your niece. She has horrible parents.

My mom was obsessed with my appearance in negative ways (ex. I had too much acne, was too hairy, was too short etc). I’m torn over how I feel about that in hindsight. On one hand it made me care about my appearance, but it was really annoying.

DP. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that you're confident in your appearance now.

If you don't mind me asking, how tall were you, approximately? I'm around the average height for women and was told the same about my height.

Anonymous wrote:Cute kids change and become ugly teenagers and adults. Two ugly parents might have cute kids, but will likely have ugly adult kids.

When little, all you look at is the face and small features. However, being tallish, slender with big eyes and big lips is considered (at least for women) universally attractive.

I have two girls and treat them the same. DD1 is tall, with long lean legs and arms. She has my DH’s family body. DH’s sisters are tall, slender and beautiful. DD also has big eyes, big mouth, but at 8 she is “less” pretty than DD2.

DD2 is 6 (so still young). She has a very pretty face with gorgeous eyes, full lips, small nose, blonde hair, etc. However, she took after me and she is average height and stalkier than her sister. She is thin, but her legs and arms are thicker and shorter.

DD2 is prettier now, but in 15 years I think DD1 might be more attractive.

All of this to say that thinking your kid is beautiful/ugly now means nothing because they will change A LOT and other things (like their body) will become more important

Short women do better in life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two grandsons both 7 years old. One is very cute but when we see him he barely says hello and basically just tolerates us. The other has average looks but when we see him he runs up to us, hugs us and loves to spend time with us. Which of the two would you prefer?

This!!! I have a cute son but he is pretty aloof and keeps to himself most of the time. I often take him and his friend on outings. The friend is polite, nice, outgoing, smart (they are both smart but my son sticks to one topic whereas his friend can really hold a conversation with an adult). The friend is average looking but I almost prefer him to my son

I want my child (currently 4) to be like your son’s friend. What do you think the parents did right?

Anonymous wrote:I have two grandsons both 7 years old. One is very cute but when we see him he barely says hello and basically just tolerates us. The other has average looks but when we see him he runs up to us, hugs us and loves to spend time with us. Which of the two would you prefer?

This!!! I have a cute son but he is pretty aloof and keeps to himself most of the time. I often take him and his friend on outings. The friend is polite, nice, outgoing, smart (they are both smart but my son sticks to one topic whereas his friend can really hold a conversation with an adult). The friend is average looking but I almost prefer him to my son

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. My middle child is probably the least good looking but has the best personality. He is my favorite.

You shouldn't have favorites. But you know that, right? Don't be surprised when kids 1 and 2 choose your partner to spend time with instead of you. Also unfair to your "favorite" one.

I don’t say he is my favorite but he is.

OP you are gross period.

My MIL once turned to my second DD and said "one day you might be pretty like your sister, but I doubt it"

Cut her out immediately. Never again. She did that crap to her daughters as well. Did not turn out well for either of her DD.

Anonymous wrote:Prettier women and handsomer men are always treated better. More doors open, better jobs, so it only stands to reason the same appies to children. Dreadfully unfair but it's life. Beauty wins initially but eventually brains win out so always look as good as you can but also use your brain!

Wish this weren’t true, but seems to be the case.

I see my sibling’s mother in law treats the three grandkids (12, 14, 17) differently. All three kids are smart, nice, polite kids. The MIL favors the younger two who are objectively good looking and in TV commercials; MIL did same favoritism with her children. It bothers my sibling and my parents, who aim to treat all three the same.

I have two grandsons both 7 years old. One is very cute but when we see him he barely says hello and basically just tolerates us. The other has average looks but when we see him he runs up to us, hugs us and loves to spend time with us. Which of the two would you prefer?

Prettier women and handsomer men are always treated better. More doors open, better jobs, so it only stands to reason the same appies to children. Dreadfully unfair but it's life. Beauty wins initially but eventually brains win out so always look as good as you can but also use your brain!

I can only speak from my own experience.

My kid is undeniably cute. However, she has gone through phases where she is more attractive than others. This is really common for kids -- awkward phases are real. I can tell you we don't treat her better when she looks cuter. If anything, I tend to be a little more understanding/doting when she's in an awkward phase, for two reasons. One, if she's aware of it, I want to make sure she knows that we love her no matter what she looks like, that she is important and worthwhile no matter what, even if she has acne or an awkward growth spurt or hasn't grown into her nose yet. I don't want her to associate love with attractiveness, I want her to feel worthy of love and attention no matter what.

And two, I think OTHER people treat her better when she looks cute, and I think she has either figured this out or will soon, and I want to provide some counterbalance to that. It's inevitable and something we all learn. At best, I think it can become a tool we use -- get a flattering haircut, wear clean well-fitting clothes, and people treat you better. Not good or fair, but real, and a useful lesson. But at worst, it can becomes something people internalize and cause depression or feelings of worthlessness because you don't feel others find you attractive. I had PPD after she was born and a big trigger for me was feeling unattractive as a new mom and feeling like people didn't like or care about me anymore because of how my appearance had changed. I don't want my DD to ever feel that way if I can help it, or I want to try and give her some personal resources to lean on if she does.

I don't know if, as an adult, she'll wind up super cute as she is today, or more awkward as she was last year. I want to prepare her for life either way, because I know she's an amazing human with a ton to give far beyond her appearance, and I want to make sure that looks (of any variety) don't stand in the way of her participating in society.

My kids look alike. Two are often confused for twins, the third is a girl version of her brothers.

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. My middle child is probably the least good looking but has the best personality. He is my favorite.

You shouldn't have favorites. But you know that, right? Don't be surprised when kids 1 and 2 choose your partner to spend time with instead of you. Also unfair to your "favorite" one.

Anonymous wrote:The research shows parents treat attractive children better.

https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/497560

Doesn't this make sense for evolution? Your attractive children are more likely to find a mate and have children and carry on your genes so it stands to reason you will invest your resources in them over the less attractive ones.

The research shows parents treat attractive children better.

https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/497560