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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't marry this woman.  Just don't[/quote]

This is probably the best advice in this thread. Nut OP is going to go through with it anyway, so to that, I say his feelings in this don't matter as much as his girlfriends. She doesn't want much of a relationship now with her mother, but that could change as things change in her life if mom, dad, or siblings get sick or pass away or when she becomes a mother herself. She then may want to visit a little bit and then ask you and the kids to come? You may end up facing resentment from siblings who understand now, but become a lot less understanding when they have to become mom's primary caregiver when she's old because they live closer. She could feel guilty because of this and want to move back or what to send more money than maybe you can afford. If mom's behavior is because of mental illness and not just because she's an awful person there's a really good chance that the same mental illness could show up in your kids.

But if you still want to marry you follow your wife's lead and be prepared to leave any gathering that becomes too much. Become a master at deescalating situations.[/quote]

OP here. I don’t see this happening. There is a lot I’m leaving out about her mom. My girlfriend had said many times that she doesn’t think she loves her mom at all. She knows she should but she doesn’t. There is a lot of bad history here and almost everyone in her moms life alienated her at some point. She’s a very toxic person. [/quote]

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