Reply to Reasonable Expectations on Curfew/transportation/planning for rising freshman?

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Reasonable Expectations on Curfew/transportation/planning for rising freshman?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I found strict curfews to be infuriating as a teen.  If the girls want to watch a long movie that would finish at 9:15, are you really going to enforce a 9 PM curfew?  My mom was always willing to allow some flexibility if she knew what we were up to.  An Oscar watch party or movie night was totally fine.  Wandering the neighborhood was not.  Other parents were super strict with timed cutoffs, which I think encouraged rebelling and lying and demonstrated a lack of trust in the teen.[/quote]

I agree with this. I did not have a curfew growing up, as long as my mom knew where I was. For example,[b] if we agreed that I'd be home at 9:30 but called her during the evening to say I'd be home at 10 instead, she was fine with that.[/b] If I didn't call, then she'd be worried sick about me, so as long as I kept in touch, she was fine. I appreciated that she trusted me, and I was responsible. On the other hand, I knew a girl who had a STRICT curfew - grounded if she came home a few minutes late. She was always lying about where she was (sleepover at Jane's!) while having sex with her boyfriend. As far as I can tell, we are both responsible adults, but I was always honest with my parents about my whereabouts.

In any case, I have a rising 9th grade son, and he does not have a set time to come home. He is often at a neighbor friend's house until 10 o'clock. He's a night-owl, though, and so am I, so it's all good, as long as he answers the phone or text when I call. I'm fine with whatever time he comes home, as long as I know where he is and what he is doing. I also have 16 and 19 year old girls. Neither has ever had a curfew. Same rules apply - let me know where you are (I also have them on find friends on the iphone). If it's getting late, I text and ask when they expect to be coming home. If it's really late (like 1 AM for 19 year old), I will tell her to please be home by 1:30 AM, etc. She's really good about keeping in contact, though.[/quote]

OP here.  These are both helpful perspectives.  Thank you.

I agree that strict blanket curfews can backfire.  I wouldn't, for example, ground her for being ten minutes past curfew.  But I am not a night owl, and do need some level of certainty on when to expect her home.  In your bolded example, you had an agreement up front of 9:30.  Did it generally stick, like 80% of the time?  That is what I'm hoping for....[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics