Reply to Reasonable Expectations on Curfew/transportation/planning for rising freshman?

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Reasonable Expectations on Curfew/transportation/planning for rising freshman?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 14yo DD is a rising freshman.  This summer she has started going out more frequently with friends, spontaneously and with little planning, often at night.  I generally support her independence, she has proven herself to be a mature and trustworthy kid, but the loosey-goosey uncertainty of things is new to me, and I'm not sure how to handle.  Could use some advice.  A couple questions:

1. If she is in the safe residential neighborhood, within say .5 of a mile, at a friends' house at night and she is walking home alone, what time should she be back?
2. If she is somewhere that she'll need a ride from me on a weeknight, how late should I let her stay out?  (Generally, I would be in bed by 9:30)
3.  If she is getting a ride home from a friend's parents, how much wiggle room should there be in the time she gets home?  (We've had multiple instances where Larla's mom is going to pick them up at 10:00, but (the story goes) she doesn't show up until 10:30/10:45.  I can't hold my DD accountable for another adult's punctuality, right?
4.  She is at a sleepover at a friend's house and they all decide to go out and roam the neighborhood at midnight (GPS tracking on her phone).  OK or no?

Basically, I'm just asking on how to set my expectations and hers, so we avoid every situation being handled as a one-off.  For example, she was at a friend's house tonight and was going to walk home by X time.  She calls and says that a parent can pick her up at X+15 minutes so she doesn't have to walk.  That time comes and goes and she is still there. Parent hasn't shown up yet.  I drive to get her.

I trust my kid.  Maybe I just need to adjust to more freedom for her and realize I need to be more flexible....

[/quote]

For 1/3, I think the answer is some kind of communication: Please let me know what time you are planning on leaving/if that changes/actually leaving. And since I wanted to be asleep before DD came home, on nights she wanted flexible return time we had a blaring alarm clock set for midnight that she had to turn off when she got home. If I heard the alarm clock, I knew there was trouble. Alarm happened three times - the first time she forgot to text me and got grounded, the second two times she texted at 1158, 59, and 1201 saying she was fine and on her way but [valid reason she was late, such as Larla's mom]. For 4 I'd ask for a text as well, and try to make sure it's important she knows the adult at the house knows where they are.

For 2, the answer is still communication. Your daughter knows your bedtime, I'm sure. Talk to her about it - see if she can get other rides and you're the backup, not the first line of defense. If you can offer options - I can pick you up once or twice a week but I have to be able to 100% know the time I'm getting you so I can plan my night, you can have friends over here until 2 AM or sleepover, you can stay out as many nights as you want if you have other rides, etc - it might go better. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics