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[quote=Anonymous]You need the will that you will do anything and everything to protect your children from growing up in abuse.

I'm 5 years out - 4 separated, 1 divorced. Kids were alone with dad for sporadic times until he acted out enough. Then he didn't see them for 3 months, then 10 supervised access visits that went badly.

Then he tried a court application for unsupervised full weekend access, which they dropped.

You need/what helped me:
- Screenshots of text messages, summaries (point form), timelines, calendars if applicable
- lawyer who understands that children can't be raised in abuse or by addicts and that domestic violence is systemic and doesn't go away with a few months of good behavior 
- a parenting assessor who understands coercive control. We had three parenting assessors, the 3rd was the only competent one - they can also give advice and support for court if you find one independently 
- pictures, stories, journal entries- ultimately the stbx's behavior in the present will be the most compelling, but backed by extensive/lifelong history of threats or concerning behavior absolutely helps
- if you have a good therapist that really helps, someone experienced with trauma and abuse. This helps you, helps you frame things for written material (vocabulary), and also shows the courts the steps you are taking for stability and wellness
- playing the long game. I knew how hard it was to get custody but I also knew the older my kids got, the safer they would be should they be forced into access (ie a fourteen year old running away from dad in a rage is safer then a 4 year old, they could also fight back and better articulate. I still don't have full custody but have decision making and protective orders and am about to go back into court again to seal the deal
- a good lawyer who knows the judges. Sometimes we agreed to things in the interim that I didn't actually want because that judge favored 50/50 no matter what

You need determination. Lots of will. Courage even when you don't believe you can do it. The right people are out there waiting to help. You can find them.[/quote]

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