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[quote=Anonymous]We have actually been in this situation. A central factor is both the salary and job stability of the spouse who is happy in their career, because that dictates what's possible for the other who wants a change. In our case, the happy-in-work spouse made @100k (it increased over time) and was/is in an extremely secure job where layoff is basically not a possibility.

Without kids, or with older kids, the number is 65-70k in the DC market (for us, obviously YMMV). Making less than 65k, you'd either need to be working less than FT (thus reaping the benefits of having more free time, improved mental health, plus being able to do more for the collective family unit (taking care of the house, dealing with older-kid issues like extracurriculars, doctors appointments, etc.).

Also, this might sound weird, but the floor is higher if the family involves young kids. And that's just because of the cost of childcare. We found that the second income of 70k for a parent who enjoyed being home with little kids was not worth it, when you factor in childcare costs plus the many benefits of having a SAHP when kids are little. 70k wouldn't pay for a nanny plus professional housecleaning plus meal plans or extra takeout. So you're going to be doing the dual-FT drop off/pick up/clean house/making dinner shuffle, which SUCKS. Sorry, but it does. You can make it easier with shorter commutes, maybe some help from family if it's available. But that period of your lives is just going to be stressful. So if one spouse is unhappy in their job and willing to be a SAHP, I feel like that spouse would need to be making 100k+ (maybe add 20k for each additional child) in order to say no, the longterm benefits of you staying in this job you hate outweigh the short-term benefits of you leaving that job.

The key here is that the person really loathes their job, is stuck in a dead-end career, or is in an industry that is abusive or has a workaholic culture. Sadly, this happens more often than anyone wants in DC. I can say from experience that if you have a partner in this position, it is absolutely worth the family sacrifice to get them into a better situation. We don't miss the extra income at all because we have a happy, peaceful family where people are free in the evening and on the weekends, and the toxicity of one partner's horrible work situation doesn't invade our lives. Living on 150k is really not hard, compared to living with someone who is depressed, anxious, and never available to spend time with the family.[/quote]

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