Reply to Long-Distance Divorce, Primary Custody, Frequency of phone calls and visits?

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Reply to "Long-Distance Divorce, Primary Custody, Frequency of phone calls and visits?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Unlike most of the posters on this thread, I am actually in this situation right now - I live on one coast and my ex-husband with whom I share a 12yo lives on the opposite coast. He was the one who moved. She was 7 at that time.

The way that we did it was for the first couple of years, he actually came back to where we lived once a month for a week or at the very least a long weekend during the school year. They stayed in the house that he started renting out on AirBNB when he left the area. During school breaks, we alternate who spends holidays with her. We also divide up the summer and each of us tries to take a vacation with her and then we try to find her camps that are interesting for her. Neither of us is super particular about where they are as long as it's what SHE wants to do.

When she was in 3rd grade, we started teaching her how to fly alone. It started with shorter trips to see our parents (each flight was about 2.5 hours each direction, no connections) and when she was comfortable, she started flying across the country to see him during the summer. In 2019, she was there for 4 weeks. In 2020, neither of them traveled due to the pandemic, and because it is literally a bicoastal drive, he and I agreed that they just wouldn't see each other until the pandemic was over because neither of us was willing OR able to drive 3,000 miles each way. She is leaving to spend 6-8 weeks there when school gets out next week. I think they are spending the first 2 weeks bumming around on vacation and then she last 4-6 weeks of camps, but we are all being very flexible. She is concerned that 8 weeks will feel like too long for her. I am concerned that it'll be WAY too long for me, but as many posters have unkindly pointed out, it's not about me.

The $ issue hasn't come up for us at all. We didn't fight about money when we were divorcing and haven't fought about travel expenses. This summer I bought the outbound ticket and he is buying the return, which they will book when she gets there and they talk about when she wants to come home.

As for communication, when she was little, we did nightly bedtime calls until she didn't like it anymore (about 6) and then weekly calls on my phone. She has had a "phone" since she was 10 and now can call and text him herself. He can also call and text her himself. He isn't great about proactively communicating and she isn't great about making conversation over text. [/quote]

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