Reply to Will my son ever be able to pack a suitcase?

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[quote=Anonymous]Nanny here.

I go into a family expecting that nobody has taught a child any life skills.  I start every single child the same way, having them show me what they can do in the course of the first few weeks (in fun ways, not authoritative demands to do random things).  From there, I have how-to lists (written and pictorial) for every single chore I expect a child to learn to do.  I don't care if your child is 4 or 14, they can learn to pack a suitcase independently; it's up to the adult to figure out how to motivate them and to give them the tools so that they can eventually do it on their own.

I'm with three girls now: 6, 6, and 10.  We've been practicing this all year, but they started completely clueless.  At the beginning of the year, I would get a pile of books (first 5yo), a pile of toys (second 5yo) and a set of clothes for the next day, maybe a bathing suit (9yo).  This morning, they packed pajamas (including extras in case one wets the shared bed), clothing (including extra in case they get messy while baking), toiletries (including remembering that they needed to grab a new tube of toothpaste that still has a cap!), swimming necessities (including pool towels), riding gear (including helmets and boots), books, toys, devices/cords and bikes with helmets.  This is for ONE night at their grandparents, but since they don't know what their grandparents have planned for this evening or tomorrow, they planned for everything that MIGHT happen, and they didn't check the lists at all (one list for generic trips, one list each for swimming, biking, riding, grandparents' house, all stored in one of the suitcases).  I offered to help, and the 10yo politely asked me to let them do it for themselves.  My only job was to put everything into the back of the SUV.  It took them 30 minutes of discussion and packing to accomplish all of it, and I have no doubt that all three will be able to accomplish it solo within the next 2 years.

If you want someone to learn something that they don't do intuitively, you have to teach them.  If you want them to eventually do it independently, they need tools and plenty of practice.  These girls have learned to do the dishes, laundry, clean up after themselves, organize their toys and clothes, pack, etc.  They are capable, but they've had help to learn, tools to help them remember steps, and time to practice.

Oh, and it has nothing to do with gender.  My last family was 3 boys, and they learned.  The family before was 1 girl and 2 boys, and they learned.  Children rise to your expectations, if you're willing to put in the time and effort.  You can't turn them loose and expect them to do things without teaching, tools and time.[/quote]

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