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[quote=Anonymous]OP: The exact same thing happened to me. You can't blame having kids making you tired, because as soon as our first was born, I quit my job and stayed home, did diapers, housework and every other domestic task in addition to going to night school. The VA basically paid me as much as I ever made working to that point to be a student, so I was burning it at both ends while she taught (I put her through college while in the Army, and then took my turn after she graduated and had a kid). It lasted about 7 years. We would occasionally have sex, but it was strange in that every single time I asked for it, I was rejected. We only had sex when she wanted to, on her terms. The strange thing is that we would only have sex after an awful fight that involved screaming and yelling. I figured it was some weird thing where she needed to get that emotional response from me to get aroused. It was 7 full years and yes- I am bitter too. It has been four years since things got better for us and I am still very angry about it. It made a lasting impact on our marriage that still hasn't been solved. It changes who you are as a couple. The biggest change is after being rejected 100% of the time for seven years, I now will not ask for sex even when I know that I have a 100% chance of success. That is now her duty. It pisses her off, but something deep inside will not allow me to come on to her anymore.

While our sex is now up to 2x a week, sometimes more, the damage is permanent. I suppose I could go get counseling or something, but at this stage of our lives, my best years are behind me; I have about half the libido I had during those years and her drive has increased exponentially, so karma does exist. Occasionally, I even let her know that when I reject her come-on, to please understand that my rejections of her are considerably less in amount and duration than hers of mine. Women often see sex as an option for men, but honestly, I would not have married her if I had known that my most libidinous years would be wasted on rejection. Looking back, if I had known that seven years would pass of that treatment I would have divorced her up front. That bitter feeling hasn't passed and neither have the negative ramifications from it. In every other aspect she has been a good wife, but that is honestly for me anyway, about 75% of the reason I would have been married to anybody and to withold it from me was as awful as cheating on me. I have never made my thoughts on the subject secret, even when we were dating.

And yes- I begged her to see a physician, psychologist, Psychiatrist, Endocrinologist- but she kept saying that there was nothing wrong with her, and that I was unreasonable in wanting sex more than a couple times a month. I may be flamed for this, but sex is a pretty important part of marriage. If it weren't, then we wouldn't care about cheating. The one thing you have to do in marriage is not have sex with others, so if you demand exclusivity from another human being, you damned well better provide for their needs as well. Hell I am bitter I never cheated in the times I could have got away with it. I hope my bitterness makes you feel less alone.[/quote]

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