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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I don't think you can say what exactly another person needs to do to change their bad behavior.  Humans are very complex, and engage in a number of different things in their own life which help them change or fix a problem.   "Therapy" is not the only answer out there.  Also, understanding that life is complicated doesn't mean that we excuse poor behavior.  It just means we acknowledge it's not as simple as "get therapy" or "it's never the spouses fault" or whatever other truth you think you know.  Also, all affairs are not a result of an addiction.  Sometimes, yes, it is a matter of a very unique set of circumstances that are not likely to repeat.[/quote]

I think it is in fact fair to say that it is impossible to change without self-examination.  Therapy is a very common way to do that, so I recommend it frequently both here and IRL.  But sure, there are other ways.  It is just harder to change yourself without a sounding board.  And presumably, if you are keeping your deep dark secret from everyone, you will not be confiding in your spouse.

And what makes you think I don't understand that life is complicated?  Duh, of course it is.  That doesn't mean that you shouldn't strive to be the best person you can be.  Life being complicated is not an excuse for having an affair, or cheating on your taxes, or perjuring yourself, or any number of other things that are simply wrong.  Life being complicated doesn't negate the fact that some things are just wrong.  And as for not repeating moral errors, sure, maybe people don't.  But what if those circumstances do repeat themselves?  Does that mean it is okay to cheat again?  Sorry, I don't buy that.

Moreover, I did not say affairs were the result of addiction, although they can be.  I merely compared them.

Finally, and gently, since I am not saying this to flame you:  one cannot say "very unique."  Unique cannot be modified.  Sorry - it is just one of my pet grammar peeves to see it misused that way.  Not that I am the grammar police at all; I make plenty of errors of my own, undoubtedly.[/quote]

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