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[quote=Anonymous]I’m probably married to one. Whenever I brought up finances, he’d shut the conversation down, either by ignoring me, starting a fight by going into some philosophical argument about why this discussion is unnecessary, or being completely vague.  We had separate accounts for a very long time “because it would complicate things to mix our finances.” He asked me to be a sahp as well. I think he just liked doing things his way, and greatly disliked having to discuss things with me before deciding to do things. He has made big purchases like another car without telling me.

I had to basically demand that he report back to me with all of his assets. There is no way we can properly plan if I do not know the state of our finances. He hid his debt from me for many years-not to be secretive or sneaky, but just because he literally didn’t see a need for me to have that knowledge. I mean, I knew he had student debt but didn’t know the amount for a long time.

Through some tough conversations, I think he finally gets why it’s important to be transparent with each other about our finances and also why we need a joint account. He still has his own personal account that he uses that I never see, but we also now have a joint account.

I cannot speak for your husband, but I think for mine, the intent is not malicious or controlling, it is literally that he is a creature of habit to the extreme and it is very uncomfortable for him to make changes like start talking to your spouse about money and to meld finances. It is also just an area in his life that he avoids thinking about because he is so disinterested in it, but he is starting to take more of an active role in managing finances.[/quote]

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