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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I married into an aspie family, found out two kids in as they lived overseas and spouse hit the wall during kid 2 in the way, diagnosed 5 years later after significant executive functioning issues at home, plus anger/verbal abuse issues, plus poor communication / constant “misunderstandings.”

Look. The symptoms and what they destroy (trust, other person, safety) are what need to be managed or else you are in for a world of hurt. Diagnosis only helps if it goes towards managing symptoms and better understanding, both in terms of BOTH people trying again and not making same mistakes.

NT/AS is very difficult. It’s everything you read, it’s true

AS’s normal is nothing like most peoples or societies. So hiding money, gifting it away, pissing it away, and then double down and arguing you’re the crazy one is par for the course.

Get a third party involved to legally explain marital assets, forensic accountant to figure out what happened with the let 10-20 years of your liquid and illiquid marital assets.  Esp if you have children involved, do it for them.

AS can be easily fooled or manipulated due to mindblindness, no theory of mind, and poor to no judgment or common sense.  However careless, thoughtless and self countered behavior can be non stop.

I’d say have a third party claw back what they can if you want to stay out i of massive arguments.  If you’ve had enough claw it back and pull the plug. Things won’t get better, and you probably know they won’t advocate for you well when times get tough - Health, assets, big issues.

[/quote]

Did you find a way to stay, anything that helped? He is not verbally abusive in terms of yelling. Just the standard cycle of avoid, deflect, minimize, gaslighting, denial, repeat.[/quote]

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