Reply to Brother married up, treats our mother like crap but his in-laws like gold.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My eldeat brother did the exact same thing, but mainly because his wife had grudges against our family. Everyone pretended that things were ok and did the best to not call my brother out on it because what was the use? He is a grown man and he liked the life she created with him. The issue is not her but my brother.

Then one time, 3 years ago, she confronted me and said a lot of things about my parents. This was with my father being in a coma. I withdrew completely and did only what was expected of me. Gifts for my nieces weddings, social obligation to his ILs and her siblings.
My brother was happy and lives near his ILs and her brother.

Unfortunately, ia few months ago her brother and her father passed away. I am so numb by her that I could only again do what was required. Paying my respects and attending the funeral on zoom. One week ago she fell I'll and now she is terminal. My brother is shattered and I am filled by guilt that I am numb.

What must have been the reason that she was so filled by animosity for our family? I will never know. Unfortunately, a life was lived and it is ending and only disharmony was there with regards to us. It is not my burden but I am devastated for my brother who is about to lose his wife at 63.

Op, there is nothing you can do. You have to ignore his selfishness and take on the care of your mother yourself. [/quote]

If you talk to your bother, it will get ugly because he will deny it. Don't do it. Give your mother the love and affection and distract her. I know it is extremely painful.

When my SIL was berating me, my brother was around and did not say anything.  Later he told me that he is very sorry that his wife said bad things to me and he apologized to me. I asked him not to apologize because he did not say the things. My brother asked me to forgive her in my heart and I said I need time and space to even say "screw it" and I am not there.

Frankly, right now, I am calling night and day to enquire about her situation to my brother, because he needs some moral support, but I am feeling not too much except a sadness that she poisoned the relationship and even her daughter is behaving like her because she poisoned her feelings.

My only consolation is that we steered clear of her and despite the loss of a close loving relationship that should have existed there is still a relationship between us siblings. And my mom will always have a mother's heart and will forgive him.

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