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[quote=Anonymous]It makes me sad too. As I get older (I’m 41), I have learned that I have fewer true friends than I thought. I can only think of two female friends who I think really root for me (and I for them).

I do think it helps to form friendships with people who are different than you. The most competitive friend group I’ve ever encountered (to a point that I just had to leave it because it got me so anxious and down) was a group of same age women I met doing the same hobby. We all got married within a few years of each other. We had similar jobs and similar goals and the competition and jealousy was intense. It was, not coincidentally, also the most gossipy friend group I’ve had. Just a really combustible combination. And one if the more disturbing things to me was that there was definitely a hierarchy, and your place in the hierarchy was driven by how enviable your life was. I know this because I started out near the top but didn’t realize it. Then I had a mental health issue and wound up quitting my job for a bit to recover. I thought my friends would rally around me. Instead, it’s like I lost my allure because I no longer had some of the things they used envy. I became the person who was accidentally left out of plans. It was rough. Even once I went back to work and was doing a lot better, I could feel it. I also felt certain those women had talked about my mental health stuff when I wasn’t around and my suspicion is that it wasn’t all terribly empathetic. It was really sad to me. Those women were at my wedding and a huge part of my life for years. But I never shook the sense that our friendship was based on something messed up. Competition is really toxic. I faded out. I still feel sad about, even if I know it was the right choice for me.

Anyway, you’re not alone. This definitely happens.[/quote]

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