Reply to 6 months post-affair and still struggling

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I hope you're not continuing to provide the expensive extras DH enjoys.

Granted, I'm just now at the tail end of my own divorce, so I know that my experience is coloring my response to you. But, my dear sister, please do not act as though it is upon you to navigate this whole thing. He has GOT to bring something to the process or it's just a huge waste of your energies.

I'd say, take a big step back. Stop "working on it" and let him know that it is his turn. Put things in place that incentivize action on his part---if only by removing some of the luxury of the status quo.

To provide a stereotype that resonates nonetheless: Men don't understand words, but action. Get a new therapist for yourself. Drop the couples work. Make beautiful plans for the children and yourself this holiday season. Allow DH  to experience a bit of what life is going to be like unless he seriously rethinks his arrogant position.

You had me at "300%" sister. [/quote]

I agree 100%!  My first husband cheated, and said he wanted to work on the marriage, but I knew he had checked out mentally.  After some time, I checked out, got a divorce, made a life for myself, and am now married to a wonderful man.  Life is too short to spend time with someone who isn't 100% committed to the relationship and it sounds like, from what you wrote, he's not.  You deserve a better man OP.   If he can't mend the relationship, than neither can you.[/quote]

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