Reply to 6 months post-affair and still struggling

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need a new therapist, OP ! [/quote]

You need a new husband. [/quote]

Ha, ha...well I don't actually want a new husband.  But it would be fun to actually be the one to gets taken care of once in a while.  Oddly I joked to my friends that maybe I'd be more inclined to put up with all of this if he made millions.  Of course I know that wouldn't be the solution and I know that it makes no sense intellectually, especially since I pride myself on being a strong woman.

I don't know if I love him.  I definitely did love him prior to this mess.  But now I feel sort of sorry for him because he seems so pathetic to me.  My kids ADORE him.  So that is where my struggle lies.  And he really seems to want to stay together and says he loves me, I just don't actually feel it.  And I definitely don't see it in his actions (or lack there of).  I wish I had a partner and instead I feel like I have 2 small children and am married to a teenager who is in a crazy power-struggle with me.  Literally we don't see eye to eye on almost anything.  For example, I lamented that once both of our kids are in school full time we won't need (and can't afford) our FT babysiiter (like in 2 years).  And he thought we should tell her immediately!  "Its only fair to her to give her as much advance warning as we can."  I'm like...are you nuts?  Why in the world would we do that?  I mean, I'd give her at least a month and we love her so much that I'd totally get her set up in something else.  But 2 years?  And its not like I said a month and he said 3 months and we compromise on 2.  I mean, we aren't even in the same ballpark to get to a point where we'd compromise.  And then when I try to rationalize and, in as nonthreatening of a manner as possible, point out that I have a ton of experience in hiring/management/business and that's just not realistic for endless reasons, then he just gets defensive and throws back the crap our therapist tells us: "You're not me, I'm not you and we're both right."  Which I'd agree with ...if you were my neighbor and we didn't need to make any decisions about our lives on a daily basis!

So doesn't that sound like a ton of fun?  I mean, it gets so old very quickly when its like that day after day.  [/quote]

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