Reply to 6 months post-affair and still struggling

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here,
Everyone has really said some insightful and helpful things.  And yes, I already saw the attorney the week I first found out about everything.  So I definitely feel comfortable with knowing where I stand legally and financially.  
And I also agree that our marriage therapist isn't working although he's regarded as one of the best in town.  Quite frankly I feel like he's a bit sexist.  For example, he thinks I should “thank him” and appreciate all he does for me…like feed and let out the dog in the morning.  Um…the dog he picked out!  Somehow that doesn’t feel like its “for me”, but obviously I’m the clueless one.  I provide the bulk of the income and do all the heavy lifting in our family (plan retirement, savings plan & finances, organize schools, play dates,  vacations, nanny, all household duties…I’m sure just like most of you) and he just basically shows up and is involved with the kids a ton, but none of the "difficult" tasks like taking them to the doctor when they are sick, staying up all night with them when they are throwing up, working with them with speech therapy exercises, blah, blah, blah.   He’d much rather sit on the side lines and watch me do all the research, investigating, and learning about: private school, speech therapist, etc  and then comment at the 11th hour that he’d like input and its usually the EXACT opposite of what my plan was and it’s based on nothing since he’s done nothing!  
So with all the road blocks and feeling like I could actually do it all alone (since I am anyway), I’m left feeling like my husband is actually just dead weight, a financial drain, and seriously bringing me down.  We argue and fight more times than not.  And I honestly feel like I’m a doormat being the primary breadwinner and homemaker, supply the nice lifestyle, then you cheat on me and yet I’m supposed to forgive?  It just doesn’t seem to add up.  I took my vows seriously and I’m trying not to make a hasty decision.  But I can’t stop feeling like he’s just a jerk and what the hell am I doing staying since he needs me far more than I need him.  
[/quote]

Well, I think you just had a breakthrough you weren't having in your therapist office. Maybe you have some clarity now to make some decisions?

Questions:

1) Do you still love him?

2) What's the worst thing that could happen if you left and started a new life?

3) What's the best thing that could happen if you left and started a new life?

In other words, you clearly want to leave. What are you afraid of?[/quote]

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