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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not being judgmental; I'm curious if it's confidence or what. On the other hand, some women have spouses who treat them like queens. What is the recipe?[/quote]

Have a father who loves and respects you and his wife.[/quote]

This.

I didn’t have a father present, and my mother didn’t date anyone ever. I never saw a healthy relationship dynamic up close and personal; it was always observed from the outside. I’ve unconsciously made a lot of poor choices just be defaulting to the familiarity of rejection and abandonment because it is what is familiar. I went for the man that rejected me and walked away from the wonderfully loving men who accepted me exactly the way that I was. I’m not stupid. I’m not unteachable. I’m not someone with a low sense of self worth, nor am i bitter or insecure, etc. I didn’t know I was doing it until I got help and someone explained the dynamic. These weren’t people that looked like losers coming out the gate — but when there were signs to give pause, I noted it and continued ahead. When you learn better and do better, you become better. Sometimes the process of the unknown is more intimidating than the bad you know and have “overcome”. They start out treating you bad. They end up getting to the point where they do and once that happens — you don’t want to leave because they is what is familiar. If you can change the dynamic with them, it can fill the hole that was left my an irresponsible parent.

This is why staying for kids is bullshit, so is divorcing and never having a relationship, as is divorcing for selfish reasons. There are a zillion and one ways to screw up a human being’s life. The best thing we can teach ourselves and our children is how to live healthy happy and with self respect, no matter what conditions we are raised in. That is what creates a remnant that can reproduce without dysfunction. You live you learn you love. Surprisingly not everyone does all three fully. A lot of brokenness in this world. But also lots of love and healing in each other if we are brave.[/quote]

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