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[quote=Anonymous]I’m blonde haired, blue eyed, conventionally beautiful white woman. I was fawned over as a child and fetishized in my 20s.

What I’ve learned:

1. I have a sh!t ton of privilege, although I didn’t see it until I started spending time with non-white people. I’m disturbed by how much women like me (thin, white, young, heteronormative, etc) can leverage their looks for gain, although honestly I don’t think most even realize that’s what they’re doing. I think our overall culture and how it worships beauty is to blame.

2. I don’t give a sh!t anymore about cultural standards of beauty or what men are attracted to. It’s just used to drive a wedge between women and keep us oppressed. I’ve intentionally diversified what I look at - so not just thin white women. And instead of immediately jumping to “she’s so pretty”, I try to come up with multiple things I admire about a woman besides her looks (and then compliment her on those instead of physical beauty).

3. I work in a field where I could easily leverage my looks for financial gain - and that’s exactly what most successful women in this field do. But I don’t want to. I resented feeling like I had sell myself and that I was valued for my looks rather than my heart and mind. I hate feeling objectified.

To answer your specific questions: I have definitely been stereotyped, many people have told me they thought I was dumb or a b!tch because of my looks. But it doesn’t really bother me, I have certainly been guilty of stereotyping people and am grateful they showed me grace. I don’t presume to know what WOC (or any woman) thinks of me, and I would never automatically assume someone felt uncomfortable because of my looks. That feels so self-centered to me.

I don’t really “signal” that I’m an ally because that doesn’t feel genuine to me. Sort of like if a guy kept trying to signal to me that he’s a feminist without using his actions to back it up. Instead I treat everyone with kindness and respect, and I critically reflect on my own actions and opinions.

Overall I think the less women focus on how we and others measure of to cultural beauty standards (which are out there just to sell you crap you don’t need), the better. [/quote]

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