Anonymous wrote:As a natural blond woman I hate that Sauve commercial where the women all pull off their blond wig to show their natural hair. It is a little insulting that blond = fake.

In the 80s, I grew up in the Midwest, in a suburban area full of 3rd gen Polish and German immigrant descendants. The rule for girls seemed to be if you weren't lucky enough to be born a blue eyed blonde, you fixed that situation quickly before you left middle school with the use of hair color and contacts. In my high school yearbook, the girls all look suspiciously the same, so I usually sceptical of whether a blonde is usually blonde or a "striver" to use a DCUM word.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will just say I had both blonde and darker hair and the difference in attention/treatment is astonishing.

What was the difference to you?

Dp. With darker hair, even in my youth, it was like being invisible. With my lighter hair I am noticed more. Men are more helpful: opening doors, putting air in my tires, offering assistance finding or carrying things, the neighborhood landscape crew mows my lawn for free, etc..... I am conventionally attractive and at a healthy weight, but when my hair was darker, it's like they didn't see me.

Same here. I’ve always been blonde, but the lighter shade I am, the more attention I get.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will just say I had both blonde and darker hair and the difference in attention/treatment is astonishing.

What was the difference to you?

Dp. With darker hair, even in my youth, it was like being invisible. With my lighter hair I am noticed more. Men are more helpful: opening doors, putting air in my tires, offering assistance finding or carrying things, the neighborhood landscape crew mows my lawn for free, etc..... I am conventionally attractive and at a healthy weight, but when my hair was darker, it's like they didn't see me.

Anonymous wrote:I will just say I had both blonde and darker hair and the difference in attention/treatment is astonishing.

This. Even into my 40's and 50's.

I’m blonde haired, blue eyed, conventionally beautiful white woman. I was fawned over as a child and fetishized in my 20s.

What I’ve learned:

1. I have a sh!t ton of privilege, although I didn’t see it until I started spending time with non-white people. I’m disturbed by how much women like me (thin, white, young, heteronormative, etc) can leverage their looks for gain, although honestly I don’t think most even realize that’s what they’re doing. I think our overall culture and how it worships beauty is to blame.

2. I don’t give a sh!t anymore about cultural standards of beauty or what men are attracted to. It’s just used to drive a wedge between women and keep us oppressed. I’ve intentionally diversified what I look at - so not just thin white women. And instead of immediately jumping to “she’s so pretty”, I try to come up with multiple things I admire about a woman besides her looks (and then compliment her on those instead of physical beauty).

3. I work in a field where I could easily leverage my looks for financial gain - and that’s exactly what most successful women in this field do. But I don’t want to. I resented feeling like I had sell myself and that I was valued for my looks rather than my heart and mind. I hate feeling objectified.

To answer your specific questions: I have definitely been stereotyped, many people have told me they thought I was dumb or a b!tch because of my looks. But it doesn’t really bother me, I have certainly been guilty of stereotyping people and am grateful they showed me grace. I don’t presume to know what WOC (or any woman) thinks of me, and I would never automatically assume someone felt uncomfortable because of my looks. That feels so self-centered to me.

I don’t really “signal” that I’m an ally because that doesn’t feel genuine to me. Sort of like if a guy kept trying to signal to me that he’s a feminist without using his actions to back it up. Instead I treat everyone with kindness and respect, and I critically reflect on my own actions and opinions.

Overall I think the less women focus on how we and others measure of to cultural beauty standards (which are out there just to sell you crap you don’t need), the better.

Anonymous wrote:I love these threads that pop up every few months. We get it, you’re jealous. It’s okay. Call us washed out, who cares. Work on yourself. Why make a thread about this??

- Swede

A Swede, was in Sweden and Norway a couple of years back and my goodness the women are gorgeous, stunning. Its a beautiful part of the world.

I personally feel that there are beautiful women in every country around the world and beauty in media is now more inclusive of all looks.

I think what's fashionable for beauty trends tends to go through waves and I think at the moment people are over the fair skin, blonde hair etc and women of colour are definitely in the favourable trend at the moment.

As a fair skinned, blonde I don't really care. It's a shame some women have to put other women down by saying we looked washed out, I celebrate other women's beauty regardless of the skin colour it would be nice if women could be kinder to each other. TBH none of my fair skinned friends have ever mentioned this, I don't think this is an issue for fair skinned females, not that I know of anyway.

My daughter has blue eyes & blonde hair and only POC have commented on this. I have always just assumed this is because her look is more novel to them. In my family, and where I grew up, being blonde, especially as a child, is pretty typical, so no one cares or maybe even notices?

The comments have always come from woman who say something pleasant to her or to me about her looks.

Bit off topic, but as a pale, blue-eyed redhead, I am jealous of everyone else because they can tan. The “white” trend has never really been “white” like me. Oh, maybe in the 18th century.

I’m Asian. Still waiting to be “on trend”.

I can see why that's a secret. No judgement, and I suggest not telling anyone in real life.

Anonymous wrote:

I am in my late fifties, so, I grew up surrounded by media: print, ads, tv, etc. presenting the ideal woman as a blonde like Christie Brinkley or Farrah Fawcett. Articles in all types of magazines would always mention blondes as the de facto vision of a beautiful woman. Children were described as tow-headed in a beatific angels sort of way. Specifically, I am talking about white women with fine, Nordic features. I realize anyone can have highlighted hair, but I am referencing women that look like they may have been blonde as a child.

I am white, but as an Italian brunette that looks Mediterranean, I have never really felt that I fit in with the US standards of beauty. There are obviously more inclusive and diverse representations of beauty now, but I wonder if blondes feel something like backlash? If you’re a blonde woman, do you ever feel sort of targeted and stereotyped as an entitled UMC athleisure- clad woman, mean-girl cheerleader, or Fox News anchor? Do you feel like women of color dislike you or feel uncomfortable in your presence? Do you feel like you need to signal that you’re an ally and wonder if it appears awkward?

Slightly off-topic, but I think the Kardashians are popular because of young women who look a little like me in my 20s. For all their plasticine parts and appropriating AA beauty, it is still an aspirational look that is at least partially achievable by a lot of Latina, biracial, etc., women. They have zero chance of looking like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

Doesn’t it seem like every thread on how to look like a wealthy wasp is just code for white blonde coveting? I am also curious to hear from non-white women about your own internalized messages. I hate the fact that I secretly hope my daughter marries someone less “ethnic” looking than myself.

Um, no? This sounds like weird striver shit. I am a naturally blonde haired blue eyed WASP and this has never crossed my mind. I support a broad range of beauty. You should work on the fact "your people" climbed towards white holding down others in their past and hoping you can whiten your bloodline. That's some pretty internalized racism.

My DD (half Indian, half Caucasian) definitely stereotypes blondes. She thinks they aren’t very nice! She assumed they are mean. Here I was telling her not judge people until you know them...but in this case I’m urging her to be open minded toward blondes. She rolled her eyes and had an “ok, mom, but I doubt it” expression

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these threads that pop up every few months. We get it, you’re jealous. It’s okay. Call us washed out, who cares. Work on yourself. Why make a thread about this??

- Swede

Seriously, people. Get a life.

+10...

As a natural blond woman I hate that Sauve commercial where the women all pull off their blond wig to show their natural hair. It is a little insulting that blond = fake.

Anonymous wrote:I will just say I had both blonde and darker hair and the difference in attention/treatment is astonishing.

What was the difference to you?