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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I hate that they paint this to be just a women’s issue. My husband and I are both struggling. I know many other men doing their share also struggling. Painting this in black and white terms as a problem that only impacts women is not accurate.
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Why are people so afraid to say something disproportionately affects women??  It can both disproportionately affect mothers [b]and [/b]affect many men as well (single parent Dad?) or in different, harmful ways.  Doesn't mean we can't discuss the former.  And the endless deflection is part of the problem.[/quote]

I get what the PP is saying - in our personal experience our husbands are doing a lot. But I recognize that isn’t the case for many. Women had to leave jobs, single moms (of which there are more than single dads) have it especially rough. Something has to give and it is often the moms job.

I didn’t necessarily “give” since my job was flexible before too. Like many moms, I carry more invisible work (appointments, worrying about development and reading about parenting, child care planning, clothes, doctors etc), which is of course “more.” But day to day my husband takes equal physical care of the kids (meaning we both spend equal hours a day with our small kids), but when they go to bed at 7 and we get the house picked up (~730), my husband has to get back to work on his laptop and often works till 12. I don’t have to do that bc my job is more flexible (and I am happy with my career, don’t want more). So on a day to day basis my husband is way way way more stressed than I am. I can do some self care between 8-10 each night. He has zero time for that. If the kids wake up early I try to let him sleep in a bit (if 6:30 is sleeping in!) because I feel so terrible for how tired he must be from sleeping just 5 or 6 hours a night. It’s gotta be way worse for single moms who work. I also have a lot of empathy for sahms right now. My friends who stay home really relied being able to get out of the house. They can’t do that as easily so there is no way to break up the day. At least I can say “mommy has a call sweetie.”[/quote]

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