Reply to MIL problem (AGAIN!).... re. nursing home/decision making...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry OP, this all sounds very difficult.  My grandmother, now 97, also has similar behaviors (paranoia, nastiness/complaining, etc.).  As everyone else says, it's classic behavior in elderly people with dementia.

What you describe about the friend is disturbing.  I think you need to talk to the nursing home staff/social worker, and seek advice from them.  They'll have a better idea of how to handle this situation, legally and otherwise.

I hear you on the ambivalence about your MIL's situation, and the feeling that she may in some ways be happier at this other facility.  Have you visited it or do you have reliable information about it?  I think it's so hard to find a perfect solution at this age--even when someone clearly needs assisted living the facilities are often depressing, but there's just not much you can do.  She is being well cared for, it sounds like, and they are doing what they can for her.  I also think 8 weeks is not very long at all so I wouldn't assume that if she stays, she won't end up being comfortable there.

If you are controlling her money, which it sounds like you are, how would she be able to move even if she wanted to?[/quote]

My husband is paying her bills for her (electronically) but she still have check books - in fact, we ordered and gave to her. At the time we didn't' think any of it. The place she wants to move in looks very nice. I did a google search yesterday night and it has nice reviews. Also, although I distrust the Catholic church overall, I don't think they would mistreat the elderly; however, initially she didn't want to go to this place (when she was still living by herself) because they asked for her financial information (what is her asset, what are her SS benefits, pensions, etc.) and they also had some sort of requirement for her to sign a POA for them. She is very distrustful and thought they were after her money, so she decided to move in closer to us. Anyways, now they no longer require the POA thing according to my MIL's "friend." I do have to hear that from them though.[/quote]

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