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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
It's a very common situation, OP. The parent assumes extended parenting duties and of course has opinions about everything, which can seem overly critical to the dependent adult.

I hope none of you are faulting your mother. She did a lot for your sister. Letting her sink or swim would probably have been disastrous. Mental illness and disabilities don't magically disappear.

I have a teen with special needs. He needs a lot more support than the average child - more support than his much younger siblings! We try to foster independence and do our best not to be overly critical, but with some behavioral issues, this is very challenging for the caregiver, OP. VERY difficult. Special needs are so impactful to the family's life. There's no win-win, ever.

So please try not to judge too much.
[/quote]

I don’t think my sisters illness was so severe without my parents influence.

She graduated top in her class in high schools, had boyfriends (though they were also codependent), and graduated magma cum laude from college.  She had mental capacity to function as an adult, just not the emotional.

She is nearly completely resistant to medicine; only therapy moves the needle on her progress, and that suggests it’s rooted in my parents influence.

I haven’t spoke of my dad, b/c he and my sister had little interaction b/c he was a depressive alcoholic who never held a job while we were alive and slept to noon each day, then started drinking. He ran the household cleaning and cooking, but other than that just watched a lot of tv. I had assumed my sister inherited his traits until therapist pointed out the problems in my mothers interaction as well.

Thanks for book recommendation, will check it out. Fear of abandonment BPD could be a good fit; she doesn’t get angry but definitely can
Have sour moods. My entire maternal line is full of sour grouchy women, some must be some generic components. [/quote]

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