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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here.

Thank you, almost all of you have been genuinely supportive.

Clarification: I can live in relative squalor, she’s the neatnik.  I clean to a practical level; she has much higher standards...and visible anxiety if I let things get below *my* level.

We’ve dropped our standards for cooking and cleaning already. We get take out a lot.

We used to have a housekeeper, that was even more stressful, because we had to clean before she got here, and that put a midweek task to do. DW doesn’t do midweek tasks so much.  Work, walk, be fed, watch tv.

On *her* days, she gets the kids out, but someone else drives them to school. When they get home they get unrestricted screentime.

Kids are late elementary aged.  Getting them to do work takes more time and effort than the task does, and so falls to me. The inconsistency makes it harder on the kids: mom gives us screentime when we get home, dad makes us clean up first. [/quote]

It will be harder short term, but better in the long run if you train your kids.  At that age they should be able to do the laundry, dishes, basic cleaning.  Will your wife agree to backing you up on them doing chores before she allows screen time?  If not, I would still do it on your days and tell them that even if you're not there, the chores you assign have to be done before screens.  If they aren't, then consequences (more chores) are added on.  The added-on chores can be done on the weekend if needed.

Another thing that helps in our house is getting rid of things so there's less to clean.

I'm sorry, OP.  I hope you find something that works for you. [/quote]

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