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[quote=Anonymous]NP and I am SO glad to read this thread! Thank you for DCUM honesty.

It's so true, that the kids are very different, and the parent-kid dynamics are very different.

My friend and I have two senior DDs at the same school.  (big school and the kids are not friends).  Last spring I was listening to how Larla had researched every darn school under the sun, and even knew what school was strong in what. Larla was meeting with the school dean all the time, and it was clear that my friend was not involved in the process.

Meanwhile my DD had never met with the dean, and was incredibly avoident at looking at schools. Covid made it easier to procrastinate. In exasperation, I came up with the first list of schools for her.  I had to bribe her to sit with me and go through it. In retrospect I think this was anxiety.  Whatever.

I was upset that I thought my DD was so unmotivated, and assumed Larla was the norm.

Someone in the therapy field set me straight and said that the process is so overwhelming, most parents help or hire, and that my DD was the norm and Larla was the exception.

My DD gives me a lot of push-back, so I ended up hiring out. She would do whatever the counselor said, so I got out of the dynamic.

I also have a sophomore, who is a total self-starter. Our relationship will be very different re colleges; she will take the lead and I'll steer her a bit. We work well together and she doesn't push back like my older DD.[/quote]

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