Public school guidance counselor? Hahahaha

In helicopter parent land, this is 100% the parents job.

In the rest of the world, kids handle this on their own with the help of their school guidance counselor.

The obvious answer to OP is, “it depends,” as no two kids or two families are the same. Ultimately the point of this thread is “help” vs “lead.” Yes a parent can help and encourage but it is a disservice to the child for the parent, a college counselor, or a consultant to lead. If a high school Junior or senior is unable to lead their college search then it’s time for a gap year to gain maturity.

Anonymous wrote:I took the lead in my DC's college search, because DC was very busy with AP classes and an intensive extracurricular. I respected DC's wishes at every step and DC wrote the essays. DC just finished first semester of college, is happy with the college choice, and earned a strong GPA. I had to be involved because we had financial constraints. Most 18 year olds do not know where the best bargains are.

This all sounds reasonable. I’m providing a similar level of support to DD. Back in the day I had no support for my college applications, aside from my parents driving me down and seeing me off to the one college I applied to (!) What if I hadn’t gotten into that one college lol. Not letting that happen with my kids!

I took the lead in my DC's college search, because DC was very busy with AP classes and an intensive extracurricular. I respected DC's wishes at every step and DC wrote the essays. DC just finished first semester of college, is happy with the college choice, and earned a strong GPA. I had to be involved because we had financial constraints. Most 18 year olds do not know where the best bargains are.

Heck no. Not my kid. LOL.

Anonymous wrote:I'm observing a situation in which a parent is taking the lead in the college search and application process. I'm suggesting the child should do this with the parent standing by for support, to answer questions, make suggestions, help with trips, etc. My suggestions are met with annoyance from the parent.

Who are you in this situation?

Well, OP, you sure got schooled. Why don't you try not criticizing other people before you have a good think about it next time, eh?

People pay big bucks for college consultants to keep their kids on track and to help choose schools. So if a parent can help their kid, why the heck not?

MOST kids I know cannot handle the complexity of college applications entirely by themselves at this point. It's a question of staying organized, not missing dates, and starting early, and many, many kids need guidance on this.

I have no problem with parents helping with planning and scheduling.

No one should be writing the kids' essays except their own selves, though!

NP and I am SO glad to read this thread! Thank you for DCUM honesty.

It's so true, that the kids are very different, and the parent-kid dynamics are very different.

My friend and I have two senior DDs at the same school. (big school and the kids are not friends). Last spring I was listening to how Larla had researched every darn school under the sun, and even knew what school was strong in what. Larla was meeting with the school dean all the time, and it was clear that my friend was not involved in the process.

Meanwhile my DD had never met with the dean, and was incredibly avoident at looking at schools. Covid made it easier to procrastinate. In exasperation, I came up with the first list of schools for her. I had to bribe her to sit with me and go through it. In retrospect I think this was anxiety. Whatever.

I was upset that I thought my DD was so unmotivated, and assumed Larla was the norm.

Someone in the therapy field set me straight and said that the process is so overwhelming, most parents help or hire, and that my DD was the norm and Larla was the exception.

My DD gives me a lot of push-back, so I ended up hiring out. She would do whatever the counselor said, so I got out of the dynamic.

I also have a sophomore, who is a total self-starter. Our relationship will be very different re colleges; she will take the lead and I'll steer her a bit. We work well together and she doesn't push back like my older DD.

Lol. I just trusted my 16 yr old to drive. There is no way he has enough knowledge about this process to take the lead. It is the most costly single decision I will make in my lifetime. I'm not leaving it up to a kid.

College is a huge financial risk and the college search process is overwhelming. Unless the kid has been given very limited choices or has a very specific range of schools in mind, any normal 17 year old would have a very hard time navigating the process independently.

You’re lucky they’re only getting annoyed. It’s like going after a new mom’s breastfeeding choice or attachment parenting vs co-sleeping vs sleep training choice. It’s not your place unless you’re one of the parents. In which case, DCUM isn’t going to tell you your wife is wrong.

Suggestions? Why are YOU suggesting?

I may think you're -mostly- right about this but it's worse that YOU are "suggesting" at all.