Reply to s/o How do you politely, but without lying, reject overtures of friendship?

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Reply to "s/o How do you politely, but without lying, reject overtures of friendship?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is the OP - I'm honestly not trying to mean girl anything! So you would just repeatedly say "I'm busy"?

I'm genuinely asking. I'm fine to learn that I'm the crazy one here, and I don't think I've ever actually been in a position to say this to someone, so it's not like I'm going around doing this. But I'm staging a hypothetical, and am quickly learning that what I would prefer to hear is very different from what other people would prefer to hear!

I'd honestly prefer someone to say something like "oh, it's so sweet of you to think of me! I'm actually at a crazy busy time of life right now, and just do not have time any more social commitments. See you at Larla's soccer game!" or whatever, compared to "oh, I'm busy that day" so I would know not to ask again. [/quote]

I mean, it soo depends on the context and the specific words. But it seems like you're envisioning it as more of a discrete "will you be my friend?" where you make a permanent decision instead of something that develops organically. [b]Personally if I asked someone, "hey, want to grab a cup of coffee before the pickup time for the kids' hockey camp?" and the response was, "my entire life is busy right now, I can't handle any social interaction," I would have a major WTF reaction and feel like that person was self-important. Like, I wasn't asking about your whole life, just seeing if you were free one time.[/b] I was trying to take the first step towards closer friendship, and you responded like I was trying to lay a claim on half your free time.

Imagine you invite an acquaintance to your holiday party at your house. If they come, maybe you get to chatting, maybe you learn about a mutual interest, eventually grab a coffee one on one, and over time become closer friends. Nice and organic. But instead imagine you invite the acquaintance and instead of RSVP'ing no, they send you a note saying "thanks, but you're just a random fellow soccer mom who I don't know very well; I don't have room in my life for new friendships." That's how your more direct response would come across to me.[/quote]

It's like someone inviting you on a vacation and you respond with "sorry, I really don't want to move to a new place right now."

The woman in the other thread acted like OP wanted her to adopt OP's kid if OP died suddenly.[/quote]

And also maybe ... coffee is just coffee, and not some giant emotional commitment or strategic investigation into the type and level of friendship that you'll have?  if I invite an acquaintance for coffee, it's generally because I ... feel like having coffee and conversation!  If you don't have time for it or don't want to, NBD.  [/quote]

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