Reply to I just want love (in bed) from DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My late husband and I went through a phase of this. It was just very impersonal sex - sometimes rough, sometimes not, but very clearly felt like being used for his enjoyment and nothing else. There was only enough foreplay to make it feasible and at no point did I feel like he cared about me.

It was hard to change. I had to make a bigger effort to drag him into the bedroom and spend time just kissing and cuddling before trying to get things going. I had to be more direct in what I said I wanted during the sex. It took a lot of time, but we got there. [/quote]

OP here. This is exactly what I feel we're going through. To the other PPs, he didn't know I was crying. He wouldn't continue if he knew. Part of me just kept it going so he would be "finished" but the above really sums up how I feel...enough foreplay to make it feasible and the positions he likes makes me feel like he doesn't care about me. I know we can't make love every time, but sometimes I just have a need to feel loved, cherished, and desired in that way. Hope that makes sense![/quote]

So sorry that you are suffering.

I could not tolerate this.

Sounds like you are not feeling loved in the marriage, and that carries over to the bedroom. He is insensitive or selfish to not notice. OR you have stuffed your feelings for so long that he is just carrying out the routines you have both established. If it is the latter, that is largely on you and very unhealthy. Good now that that you are aware and talking about it (even if, to start, you are talking to strangers online)
I suggest counselling for you, to figure out why you can't express your feelings or why you stay with someone who ignores your feelings. Perhaps tell your husband you are doing it because you feel so unhappy. See if he engages??[/quote]

OP here. This really hits the nail on the head...and therapy is probably in order. I do believe my husband is insensitive...I usually tell him what's wrong and he makes excuses/puts it back on me...maybe part of it is I can't express my feelings fully...I'll usually give him several different reasons of why I feel a certain way, and he'll come back and say I'm making excuses because my reasoning always changes. [/quote]

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