Reply to Estranged Sibling entered rehab for alcoholism and wants to talk

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I’m feeling cornered because my family has already had issues with the boundaries I have chosen to set up between my brother and my family’. In their eyes I’m taking my brothers bad behavior too seriously and should forgive so we can all be a family. Sounds nice in theory but years of drunken tirades and inappropriate behavior just doesn't go away. I also feel compelled to defend my wife. [/quote]

This is about you and your conscience - ignore your family. Also [b]listening to the apology is not betraying your wife[/b]. (In face she deserves her own apology.) All it’s doing is listening; that’s all. [/quote]

This.  You're not required to forgive your brother instantly just because he apologized.  But you're also not required to carry a grudge and refuse to listen.  I think you should tell your brother that you're glad he's in rehab (you are, aren't you?) and you do want to talk to him, but you need some time to work through some things.  Then attend some al-anon meetings so you can work through your feelings with some people who have been in your shoes.  If he's genuinely contrite, he won't keep pressuring you to listen before you're ready.  But I think you owe it to yourself and your family to try to get to a place where you can at least listen and entertain the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation.  You might ultimately decide you don't want those things, but don't close yourself off to them automatically.  You might feel relieved to be able to lay down some the burden of your anger and hurt.

And tell your family to butt out.  Your relationship with your brother is your business, and they aren't helping by pushing you to just make nice.  A true reconciliation would be a great gift to you and your brother, but that won't be achieved by rushing to pretend.  [/quote]

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