Reply to BIL schizophrenic -- wwyd

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[quote=Anonymous]

OP, I have a good friend who "does well".  She is 110% self made.  She met her DH who also happens to do well and is also 110% self made.  They are great friends and fine people. He has a sibling who is schizophrenic in another state.

Part of why he lives so far away from the rest of the family is that her immediate family (to put it mildly) are NOT nice people.  The long distance family, actually his DW's family also, believe somehow he should step up because he and DW "do well".  His and her families triangulate to try to stick him and DW in the middle of "what should happen with this sibling".

Honestly, I don't think he cares because DW and his family only call him when they need something.  The only real beneficial place for the sibling would be an institution, with qualified professionals.  My friends background and DW's background know NOTHING about schizophrenia and could be of NO help.  My friend has small children in the house and could NEVER have the sibling around for any period of time.

Yet, he gets these calls from cousins long distance that he somehow needs to help this sibling.  Guilt, guilt, guilt. These same cousins have numerous family members around to help at any given time (unlike my friend they are trying to pressure), so they are pretty much clueless.

Here is the catch:  before the sibling was sick (or the symptoms showed),  the sibling did not talk to (friend) for 20+ years!  Anything the sibling had to say was cold, nasty, insulting and of the message that sibling wanted nothing to do with (friend).  Apparently, there was another sibling (we'll call them B and the sick one A) who was VERY close and capable of helping A, but B insisted on trying to disrupt the friend instead.

B talked to A every day for years and did NOTHING to HELP A!  While I understand it may have been part of the illness, it does not excuse the behavior on B's part.  My friend has a young family to take care of - by themselves with no help!

My point is, there is only so much you can do.  Don't let other family members drag you into it, especially if no one is helping you when you need help.  It took my friend a LONG time not to take on others sh*t. He is that nice.

Before someone judges, they never know what is going on with someone else.  People should really back off more.

While it is helpful to educate yourself about the illness (it is genetic!), it is up to YOU how much you can do.  GL.

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