Reply to Hey guys how much help around the house are you??

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you are doing more than my DH but less than others. Agree with PPs that a lot of what you've cited are occasional, transient chores that don't fit into the daily grind as much, and don't comprise what really overburdens many moms: the mental aspect of planning and keeping track of everything.

Does your wife want to work, or want to continue to stay home? Perhaps she would be happier if she got at least a part-time job and you could outsource housekeeping every couple weeks. When you suggest a cleaner come in, she is probably taking it as a criticism of the way she runs the house even if you don't intend it that way. That reaction may be because of resentment that has built up. If she had something else to put adult energy toward, like a WOH job of her own, maybe she would feel more balanced and would find a housekeeper a more reasonable suggestion.

Have you also considered outsourcing some of the things you do instead, like yardwork? Then you might be able to put that time toward something else around the house that is routine but doesn't interfere with your work.

To make you feel better, I work 80% time, have an hour commute each way (pre-covid), and while DH outearns me by a fair amount he basically works a flexible job for himself at home, and does very little. 
Feeds the dogs every AM
Unloads the dishwasher every AM
Puts the kids to bed ~3x per week (doesn't feed them or get them ready for bed unless he has to because I am literally out of the house)
(note: kids are 8 and 6 and these three things have only been happening since about April)

Knows when and how much to pay the lawn guys (pays them 1-2 mos advance and asks me to write the checks!)
Manages the bills
Takes the trash out maybe once every 2 weeks?
Makes his own meals because he has been on a nutrition/fitness kick for a year
Manages his own medical/dental/etc appointments (a few per year?)
Takes care of his own car maintenance

That's it.

Also I just thought of how, when I am at home and overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to do for the house and dogs and kids, I feel MUCH more resentful of my DH when he's also physically at home, even if I know he's working. It's a reaction I can't help after all these years. It's as if having him there while I'm struggling makes it the imbalance that much more stark to me. And that could be going on with your DW as well.[/quote]

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