Reply to Changing the name of an internationally adoped child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You people are so judgmental...

Changing a child's name is common practice in international adoption... whether it's an infant or a 7-year-old, it doesn't make a difference.

Americanization... happens. The child is no longer in his birth country, he can no longer speak his native tongue, he lives in a world of different smells, food, clothes, customs, sometimes even religion... so the name change, in that context, is but one small thing on the top of everything else. How parents approach it is key to how the child takes it.

From a parent's perspective, changing the child's name is an additional way to bond with him or her. It's not about love being conditional; it's about the human process of bonding with a child who did not come out of one's womb and who lived in another part of the world for 7 years.

And the name change is always a very exciting part of adoption, as it marks one's "claiming" by a family. For the child it's like a rite of passage...

"Let her decide whether she wants to change her name" seems to be a recurrent idea. HELLO?! She's 7 YEARS-OLD. Of course she will have an opinion, but chances are high that she will either 1- accept to please her parents; 2- refuse because she is overwhelmed by changes or 3- have an unreasonable idea.

So by all means, if you want to change your child's name, do it.

I am speaking from personal experience. I am adoption an older girl from Ethiopia and intend on taking the same approach.[/quote]

What you and OP's neighbors are doing for these kids requires a great sacrifice, one I am probably not capable of, so I am reluctant to judge. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and you are doing what you feel is best. Personally it is not the name change that gives me pause but rather the father's statement that in a few months "no one will know" and what it signifies of his intentions with regards to her language and culture. From a purely practical standpoint, this family is living in an area with a large Russian population. I hear Russian spoken on the street on an almost daily basis. Of course the child will have to immerse herself in her new language and culture, but that is always a painful process, and to deprive her of the ability to use her native tongue altogether, to pretend that it is not an option, when that is so clearly not the case, seems cruel. Perhaps even more importantly, by erasing this part of the child's identity, the parents are also depriving themselves of a support network for when problems arise (as they almost inevitably will), be it in the initial stages of learning to communicate with the girl, or years down the road. [/quote]

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