Reply to Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.

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[quote=Anonymous]Whew, people are being so judgmental. OP, seriously, I get it. Becoming a mom is such a huge thing and craving that closeness with your baby is so normal and healthy. I think co-sleeping is great and I loved doing it with mine as well. Don't listen to these people acting like it's weird -- it's how babies all over the world sleep. And it's also common for couples to sleep separately. You get no judgment from me.

I think the central issue is that your husband wants intimacy with you and it is causing division in your marriage. I don't think the answer is that you have to put your son down alone in this crib, or that you have to spend the whole night with your husband. It sounds like you really want that time with your son. I don't like that your husband has issued an ultimatum either. I understand his frustration but that's not a particularly mature way of addressing the matter.

I think you and your husband need to discuss what intimacy means for you both, right now. I think your husband probably needs to hear you express some interest in having intimacy with him. And I'm not using "intimacy" as a euphemism for sex. Maybe that's what he feels he needs, maybe not, I don't know. But your marriage does need some kind of closeness that is not mediated by your child. I think you should talk about how to create that again and figure something out that works for both of you. Maybe your son goes in his crib to start the night and then you and your husband have your time together, but then you still sleep in your sons room and co-sleep on a bed in there. I do think your husband should at least be open to something like this. It's not like your son is 10 years old. He's a baby. It's reasonable to want to share a bed with him -- again, this is a very normal, natural maternal instinct. It may not be what all women in the US do, but it is what many women around the globe do.

One place I agree 100% with your husband is that you should not try to have a second child until you resolve these relationship questions with him. Now is the time to figure it out, as a second child will only make all of this more challenging. Come up with priorities and commitments and an arrangement that meets everyone's needs now. Then worry about another child. Bring that child into a family that has figured some of this stuff out already.[/quote]

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