Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DH and I co-slept with DD until she was 3.
I find it very immature of your husband to sleep elsewhere and find co-sleeping unnecessary and weird, and I'm very glad my husband was perfectly fine with co-sleeping.

Personally, I wouldn't want to space my kids so close anyway. Enjoy the time you have with this one first. Then, when you're both ready, transition him gently to his room, and think about another.

Her husband is a deep sleeper and it is at safe for all of them to be in the same bed. He is doing what’s best for his child’s safety. That’s not immature. OP said he is a great sleeper and can sleep on his own so he doesn’t need any gentle transitions. OP is selfish.

PP you replied to.

The baby does not need to be on DH's side of the bed, there are many ways to do this, including putting a co-sleeper or crib right up close to OP's side. Whatever works.

And OP has a right to think about her happiness! If this is what makes her happy, then that's what she should do. Why do some men place their needs above their child's and expect their wives to agree? Misogyny, that's what it is.

Whew, people are being so judgmental. OP, seriously, I get it. Becoming a mom is such a huge thing and craving that closeness with your baby is so normal and healthy. I think co-sleeping is great and I loved doing it with mine as well. Don't listen to these people acting like it's weird -- it's how babies all over the world sleep. And it's also common for couples to sleep separately. You get no judgment from me.

I think the central issue is that your husband wants intimacy with you and it is causing division in your marriage. I don't think the answer is that you have to put your son down alone in this crib, or that you have to spend the whole night with your husband. It sounds like you really want that time with your son. I don't like that your husband has issued an ultimatum either. I understand his frustration but that's not a particularly mature way of addressing the matter.

I think you and your husband need to discuss what intimacy means for you both, right now. I think your husband probably needs to hear you express some interest in having intimacy with him. And I'm not using "intimacy" as a euphemism for sex. Maybe that's what he feels he needs, maybe not, I don't know. But your marriage does need some kind of closeness that is not mediated by your child. I think you should talk about how to create that again and figure something out that works for both of you. Maybe your son goes in his crib to start the night and then you and your husband have your time together, but then you still sleep in your sons room and co-sleep on a bed in there. I do think your husband should at least be open to something like this. It's not like your son is 10 years old. He's a baby. It's reasonable to want to share a bed with him -- again, this is a very normal, natural maternal instinct. It may not be what all women in the US do, but it is what many women around the globe do.

One place I agree 100% with your husband is that you should not try to have a second child until you resolve these relationship questions with him. Now is the time to figure it out, as a second child will only make all of this more challenging. Come up with priorities and commitments and an arrangement that meets everyone's needs now. Then worry about another child. Bring that child into a family that has figured some of this stuff out already.

Anonymous wrote:
Marital bed is a nice phrase for sex. They can have sex elsewhere. If it is about intimacy thats a separate issue. Also not all successful couples share beds.

+1

Your husband is jealous, and wants to tell himself that his son is 'fine' and that he (your DH) 'needs you more' ! Your husband is a grown man who is not as emotionally mature as he thinks he is. He's had however many years to learn to self-soothe and he still can't? You're not his teddy bear. You are his wife and you're also your and his son's mother. This is how all the corrosive man-up & competitive stuff starts.

honestly, it doesn't matter what we think. your husband told you he misses you, that he misses the intimacy, that he misses being with you in a way that HE feels he can't be with you if your son is in the bed. it doesn't matter if we think co-sleeping is fine or weird. your partner is telling you it is hurting him and his relationship with you and that he feels like he can't have another child with you until he gets that intimacy back. you absolutely need to address this with him and either find intimacy in other ways (if he is flexible) or learn to manage multiple needs in a family

OP, you're not a good wife or necessarily a good mother. It's all about you and your feelings. Your DH would be crazy to even think about having another baby with you right now.

I admit I don't get cosleeping. My son goes to bed at 7:30. I don't go to bed then. I had a futon in his room when he was little but I found it almost impossible to go in to sleep there without waking him up.

If the kid can sleep fine on his own, you're far more likely to disturb his sleep by by continuing cosleeping.

I would lay next to the kid for an hour or two after they fall asleep to get the closeness, then move them to the crib. I co-sleep but if it meant DH was in another bedroom that would not fly.

Your son just turned 1, and you already want a second kid? You'd rather sleep with your son than with your husband.

It's so clear where your priority lies.

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re avoiding something op. Really dig deep—this isn’t about your son’s needs.

Op thinks she's failed as a mom because of the breastfeeding issues. So she thinks sleeping with him every night will somehow make up for it. The reality is OP didn't fail and not breastfeeding will.have zero impact on her kid and their health or bond to her.

Your husband would be crazy to have another kid with you

I think you’re avoiding something op. Really dig deep—this isn’t about your son’s needs.

Team DH.

I’m the mom and my DH insisted on cosleeping. I never wants to and I hate it. DC is now 4 and still cosleeping. I don’t get a full nights sleep unless I move to the guest room, but that sparks a tantrum from DC and DH.

Nobody who has a spouse should be sleeping in the same bed with their kid. Nobody. I know a couple who let the kids into their bed when they were little. The husband confided in me later that their 10 and 12 year old son and daughter were sleeping in the parent's room on the floor because they couldn't stand to sleep in their own rooms and were unhealthily attached to their mother's presence. Pathetic situation, although I do realize it's extreme.

It is BAD for kids to sleep with a parent in the same bed. Spouses should sleep together, especially if they actually want to, and kids need to learn how to sleep in their own bed.

Anonymous wrote:
DH and I co-slept with DD until she was 3.
I find it very immature of your husband to sleep elsewhere and find co-sleeping unnecessary and weird, and I'm very glad my husband was perfectly fine with co-sleeping.

Personally, I wouldn't want to space my kids so close anyway. Enjoy the time you have with this one first. Then, when you're both ready, transition him gently to his room, and think about another.

Her husband is a deep sleeper and it is at safe for all of them to be in the same bed. He is doing what’s best for his child’s safety. That’s not immature. OP said he is a great sleeper and can sleep on his own so he doesn’t need any gentle transitions. OP is selfish.

Anonymous wrote:
DH and I co-slept with DD until she was 3.
I find it very immature of your husband to sleep elsewhere and find co-sleeping unnecessary and weird, and I'm very glad my husband was perfectly fine with co-sleeping.

Personally, I wouldn't want to space my kids so close anyway. Enjoy the time you have with this one first. Then, when you're both ready, transition him gently to his room, and think about another.

And when OP continues to do as she wants and ignores her husband, she.shouldnt be surprised when DH doesn't want another.