Reply to Does my kid need an evaluation or do I need a parenting coach?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When he does these things, hurting the baby, the tantrums, how do you respond?[/quote]

OP here- not very well.  I will ignore regular tantrums but when he gets physical, end up picking him up and shutting him in his room.  Same with hitting younger sibling- will ask him to stop but when he doesn’t, I have to drag him to his room for a timeout.

And as bad as he can be with me, he’s even worse with DH.  I think it may partly be because DH has a lower tolerance for any unruly behavior.  DS gets rather keyed up when tired at the end of the day. Was bouncing around yesterday evening as I was getting dinner on the table. DH’s instructions to “stop jumping” and “calm down” quickly escalated into yelling, tears, and DS socking DH in the mouth.[/quote]

What worked for us was taking away nightly screen time for any aggression. Time outs don’t work for our kid. Just got him more upset, and they also escalated tension because they required physical intervention. And time outs also require older kids to cooperate at exactly the time they are most unable to comply with direction. Unless you’re willing to physically hold them in time out.  Sometimes I feel like the people who preach time outs actually never had a kid with actual behavioral issues ...

So I’m a big fan of taking away a privilege instead of the heightened drama and struggles of time out. (Although obviously you can physically separate your kids to stop hitting, but this can be done in a less dramatic way than a time out.)

The key thing we learned about taking away privileges from our therapist is that the punishment is MUCH smaller than you think. Consistency and proportion are more important. So all we did for an incident of hitting was take away TV for one night. Then you pair it with a ton of praise for when they are good, and quality happy time to build a strong positive relationship even if the kid has challenges.

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