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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I met my slightly eccentric husband, I found him charming. He is somewhat contrarian and very confident. He grooms himself well, he is not on the autism spectrum, so his eccentricity was not initially off putting. But now that we have been married for 6 years, his contempt for a typical family lifestyle of living is starting to really grate on me.

If he had his way, he would live like a graduate student for the rest of his life. Most adult responsibilities around caring for a home and family are superfluous in his view. A nursery for a baby with curtains? Shelves in the office? Completely unnecessary. Spending 2 hours helping me hang curtains is a HUGE sacrifice he can barely bring himself to do. Doing dishes and other routine chores is fine though (thank god for that).

In his mind I am having a blast wasting our money buying paper towels, coffee, toiletries, etc. on amazon instead of fulfilling a necessary responsibility. His preference would be to go to the grocery store and buy individual roles of paper towels as needed as he is picking up his nightly dinner sandwich. Stocking a kitchen pantry with food and home supplies? Making dinner nightly to be healthy and save money? This is apparently a complete waste of energy and not only do I get no appreciation for handling it, I actually deal wit his resentment about it.

During our marriage he has acquiesced to what 99% of people would consider to be normal way of living, but he apparently feels deeply burdened by it. He despises planning ahead and any encumbrances at all. And I apparently need to learn to give up some of these things or else he is going to keep being resentful.

He is apparently so resentful, that he doesn't even want to have sex frequently despite my willingness. So that can't keep him happy.

I am at my wits end, and don't know what to do. I am not willing to be a working mother and live like a graduate student making every decision in the moment and living in a sparse home with no maintenance on anything required. I cannot believe I married someone who finds basic adult responsibilities a massive sacrifice that he can't stomach. 
[/quote]

Let's look at your things.

1) nursery for a baby with curtains in hardly a necessity. Free time is, and will be, scarce enough as it is. Why waste your time on stuff like this - or if it means something to you - why force him to care and duplicate your priorities. Now your kid is going to need a room. If he's not looking about getting a crib, figuring out where to change diapers, that's more concerning although some of these priorities he might care about once the kid is actually here. 
2) shelves in the office? Why does this matter? If he doesn't want them, he doesn't have to have them. Now if he's complaining about stuff more than a one-off and refuses to do anything about them, that's one thing. But again, are you complaining that your priorities are not automatically shared? 
3) Spending 2 hours hanging curtains is boring AF, and I've got three kids. 
4) If he can do the basic maintenance chores happily and well, then have him do those. I assume of course he isn't drawing precise lines and demanding everything be done 50/50 No Matter What. 
5) Do you have room to store things in bulk? Have you ever stored so much stuff that it literally goes bad - even things like detergent goes sub-optimal after a couple years. I'd remind your DH that grocery stores aren't always well-stocked - or, has he tried getting a Clorox wipe lately? You'd want to have three months' worth of non-perishables if at all possible. 
6) As for his nightly sandwich - if it's something you can afford, it's not some $30 Super-Gourmet sandwich, and it gives him some meaning, let him buy his damn sandwich. His life is going to change enough as it is. The only real condition I'd put would be eat as a family or at least with you (I mean if the kid conks out at 430pm, you can't expect him to have dinner with the Whole Family like some Norman Rockwell painting or some memory of your childhood that probably dates to when you were 6-12 years old.) My wife and I have (well, had in the before times) a deal where I can have a reasonably priced lunch every now and then but I always eat dinner with her and whoever's up.

"During our marriage he has acquiesced to what 99% of people would consider to be normal way of living, but he apparently feels deeply burdened by it."

If he's gone along with what you want before, why are you harping on things now? [/quote]

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