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[quote=Anonymous]Hmm. I have a different take on this. It sounds like you have a vision for what it means to be an "adult" and you just assume that everyone has to do these things. These things are not required. You do not have to have curtains. You do not have to have shelves - you can pile books on the floor if you want. You do not need decor. You can buy household supplies at the grocery store as needed. You can have have takeout for dinner every night. You can do all these things and still be a responsible adult. I think step one is to recognize that his vision for life is 100% valid. Just because lots of people do things your way doesn't mean your way is objectively "right" - and I say this as someone who lives the way you want to.

Once you accept that both of your approaches to adult life are valid, then you have the face the fact that you're getting your way a huge amount of the time by constantly pushing and prodding him, and that is massively unfair. It sounds like you're unhappy pushing him, and he's VERY unhappy with this lifestyle that you've chosen for him, and you're both getting resentful.

So. Back up.

First of all, it seems you have a very good vision of how life your way would work. Great. Now - how would life his way work? Do you have a full vision for it? This is particularly important if you want or have small children. If the choice was entirely up to him, how would he handle food for the family with two kids? Would he still want takeout sandwiches every night for dinner? What about things like laundry? What's his approach there? Once you have a full view of how he would want your lives to look, it's compromise time. You do NOT get a happy marriage with this man where your home life looks like your vision. Where can you compromise? What's important to you? What stuff can you do independently? Maybe part of the answer is that things around the house that are optional are your responsibility, like hanging curtains and making shelves. Maybe there are some things you can do his way - might be reasonable to just decide to be family that doesn't cook and only eats out. Maybe there are some things he'd be willing to do your way.

Bottom line - if you want this marriage to succeed, you need to accept his preferences as valid, and move more towards his way of living. Or, accept that this is a truly irreconcilable difference, and split up. [/quote]

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