Reply to 5YO and 3YO just can’t seem to NOT get in trouble

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[quote=Anonymous]I have no issues with the main floor being free of toys, but that means that you and DH should rarely be on that floor.  If the kids are in the basement, you need an office area down there (not in line of vision, but where they can easily get to you and you can hear them) AND there needs to be a bathroom in the basement.  If they’re in their (shared?) bedroom, you need to be upstairs as well, with bedroom/office doors open.  I’m all for independent play, but that means unguided, not unsupervised.  Also, you need to be making sure it’s actually independent; both kids need time to play separately.

The fact that you kids have both gone outside without asking permission, without appropriate safety gear and (for 5yo) while using something that is always supposed to be supervised...  I was dumbfounded when I read that.  I would have installed a deadbolt out of children’s reach, a doorknob requiring a lock or some other way of safeguarding my kids IMMEDIATELY after either the first or second time I couldn’t find them.  Going into a fenced backyard is one thing, especially since I would set myself up near a window or the back door if I knew my kids would go in and out if the yard freely.  But having a [b]3yo[/b] and [b]5yo[/b] completely disregard safety rules like that?  No, my job is to protect children, even (especially, at that age) from themselves.

Yes, children need visual and verbal reminders constantly.  A child’s [b]JOB[/b] is to test the boundaries and make sure that rules and consequences are consistent and fair.  It’s fairly common for 3-5yo to be able to recite a rule, look at you, look at what they’re not supposed to do, look at you, turn and do the thing they shouldn’t, then look back at you.  They’re learning cause and effect.  They’re learning what will be tolerated.  And they’re learning that misbehavior doesn’t change the way they’re loved.

This is what I would do going forward:
A) secure the doors to the front yard and garage
B) move any footwear that doesn’t have closed toes to the back door or their bedroom (if the only convenient option is the type they need for safety, they won’t go looking for other options)
C) put helmets next to or hanging on the bike/scooter handlebars (especially important once they are 7+, when it’s actually age appropriate to be out front without supervision; even then, notice is required, and the consequence should be related (eg. no going out front for 2 days unsupervised if the child can’t/won’t tell a parent first)
D) have a family meeting stating the physical changes, emphasizing that the changes are for safety reasons 
E) discuss (during the meeting) where parents will work in the house while kids play (same floor, kids need to practice letting you know when they switch floors)
F) discuss (during the meeting) how school will work in a couple weeks (unless you’re electing to redshirt your 5yo?)
G) reiterate (during the meeting) that misbehavior doesn’t change love, but my job is to protect them.  They don’t have to like it, but that’s the way it is.
H) institute a jar, chart or other positive discipline tool to track when they let you know they’re changing floors or going to the backyard
I) follow through on tracking when they tell you they’re moving
J) reframe kids’ behavior in your mind with pep classes, a book, videos or podcasts.  They’re acting in ways that are age appropriate (though still problematic).  You are reacting as if they are older.[/quote]

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