Reply to How come luck is not often mentioned as part of a successful marriage?

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Reply to "How come luck is not often mentioned as part of a successful marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Many people who discount luck as a factor (in marriage, in life) are simply blinded by privilege.

One of the biggest luck factors is the family you are born into. Some people are born into stable homes with mature, loving parents. Others are born into unstable homes with immature, struggling parents. That completely arbitrary event will affect how your marriage (and every other relationship in your life) operates throughout your life. People who have never experienced abuse or neglect might pat themselves on the back for their commitment and fidelity to their marriages, without ever understanding the role luck play into helping them develop a sense of self as a child that makes it easier for them to make "good" choices as an adult.

Of course, having said that, luck isn't everything. I experienced abuse and neglect as a child that has required years of therapy and work on my end to get to help me get to a point where I could be a good partner and parent to my own kids. That work was my choice. I got unlucky with my own family but I was determined to make sure my children would be lucky with theirs.

But then, I'm glossing over some of my own luck/privileges here. I've never had to deal with racism as a white person, which has made it easier for me to access mental health care and other resources to help me overcome my dysfunctional childhood. And while my parents were abusive and neglectful, I was extremely lucky to grow up in a place with great public schools and a strong community, which was a huge factor in me recognizing what was going on in my own family and deciding to break that cycle. Plus I have physical and mental advantages that have made it easier for me to earn money to help pay for all that therapy, and enabled me to wait to get married or have children when I felt I had the personal maturity and resources to do so responsibly. There's a ton of luck in that.

People who brag about their marriage, or any aspect of their life, without acknowledging the role of luck and privilege, simply don't understand how the world works on a deep level. Very, very fortunate people are often that way. They look at other people struggling and think, "Duh, why don't they just make the same choices I do." Or worse, they look at people struggling and think, "Gosh, I guess some people are just meant to struggle and others are meant to succeed." These ideas -- judgement and entitlement -- are very common. It doesn't make them wise or worthwhile.[/quote]

This is so true, agree 100%.  Thank you for posting.[/quote]

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