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[quote=Anonymous]OP I have teen girls and one is difficult.  I went to a therapist EXACTLY for your reason.  I wanted to stop wishing my life away.

I've been counting down the YEARS and half-years until my difficult one goes to college.  I recall retreating into the garage one night and thinking, "Ok, 5 more years.  I can do this for 5 more years."  For the record, I've got 1.5 years left now.

Before you panic, I'm not writing this to freak you out.  I'm writing it because what both you and I do is a strategy to deal with the in-moment stress.

It IS a very helpful strategy, so you don't want to abandon it.  You just want to have more than one strategy to use, so you aren't constantly relying on wishing your life away to stay calm.

Here are two other strategies to rely on:

1) You sort of did it by posting here...looked for those people who can relate.  I'm going to suggest you find this in real life.

Pick your friends and pick those who are NOT those moms who have, or seem to have, the perfect kids and never complain, or who brag about their kids.  As a mom with teenagers, I can assure you that I have found great support with those moms who do share their concerns and fears about their kid, vs. those who would never tell you anything other than their Larlo is spectacular at everything.

It doesn't mean you can't have those other moms in your life, but you have to choose carefully what you share with them. I do have one of these friends; but I stay away from this topic with her.  Ha, during Covid we went for a social distancing walk, and I made a mistake and asked her what her (same age son) was doing right then, because I hadn't seen him when I came by.  She said, "oh, right now he's cleaning the toilets.  He is stepping up because he's at home all day now."  Meanwhile my DD had CLOGGED the toilet that prior night, and then forgot and kept ADDING MORE...material over the morning.

2) Another very helpful strategy is to strategically compare to others.  (everyone compares, so don't get caught up in the 'we shouldn't compare' BS)  But the key is to be strategic about it, so you are filled with gratitude vs. envy.

So obviously, you don't want to compare "up"--to those who appear to have more wealth, family happiness, easier kids--than you.

For instance:  Compare with those in your orbit that are not as lucky as you.   
Compare with your ancestors--at least you are not killing that chicken once a week and making soup with it during the rest of the week.  Hey, I'm lucky that I have a clogged toilet--that means I don't have an outhouse... 
Compare with others in history; I am always thinking of European civilians during WW2 and those affected by the Holocaust.

Oh and btw, remember that kids change and my from-hell-DC is suddenly turned a corner...I might actually end up being sad when she finally leaves!  Which would be the ultimate irony after my years-long mental countdown.  But I'll just take that as a win, and that my strategies helped me persevere.

I hope this helps, OP![/quote]

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