Not op but ^^ great advice!

OP I have teen girls and one is difficult. I went to a therapist EXACTLY for your reason. I wanted to stop wishing my life away.

I've been counting down the YEARS and half-years until my difficult one goes to college. I recall retreating into the garage one night and thinking, "Ok, 5 more years. I can do this for 5 more years." For the record, I've got 1.5 years left now.

Before you panic, I'm not writing this to freak you out. I'm writing it because what both you and I do is a strategy to deal with the in-moment stress.

It IS a very helpful strategy, so you don't want to abandon it. You just want to have more than one strategy to use, so you aren't constantly relying on wishing your life away to stay calm.

Here are two other strategies to rely on:

1) You sort of did it by posting here...looked for those people who can relate. I'm going to suggest you find this in real life.

Pick your friends and pick those who are NOT those moms who have, or seem to have, the perfect kids and never complain, or who brag about their kids. As a mom with teenagers, I can assure you that I have found great support with those moms who do share their concerns and fears about their kid, vs. those who would never tell you anything other than their Larlo is spectacular at everything.

It doesn't mean you can't have those other moms in your life, but you have to choose carefully what you share with them. I do have one of these friends; but I stay away from this topic with her. Ha, during Covid we went for a social distancing walk, and I made a mistake and asked her what her (same age son) was doing right then, because I hadn't seen him when I came by. She said, "oh, right now he's cleaning the toilets. He is stepping up because he's at home all day now." Meanwhile my DD had CLOGGED the toilet that prior night, and then forgot and kept ADDING MORE...material over the morning.

2) Another very helpful strategy is to strategically compare to others. (everyone compares, so don't get caught up in the 'we shouldn't compare' BS) But the key is to be strategic about it, so you are filled with gratitude vs. envy.

So obviously, you don't want to compare "up"--to those who appear to have more wealth, family happiness, easier kids--than you.

For instance: Compare with those in your orbit that are not as lucky as you.
Compare with your ancestors--at least you are not killing that chicken once a week and making soup with it during the rest of the week. Hey, I'm lucky that I have a clogged toilet--that means I don't have an outhouse...
Compare with others in history; I am always thinking of European civilians during WW2 and those affected by the Holocaust.

Oh and btw, remember that kids change and my from-hell-DC is suddenly turned a corner...I might actually end up being sad when she finally leaves! Which would be the ultimate irony after my years-long mental countdown. But I'll just take that as a win, and that my strategies helped me persevere.

I hope this helps, OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, next winter will likely be a lot worse. Enjoy your summer. Go outside.

OP here. So that’s the thing: we LOVE winter. My boys and I hate the heat. By 10am they’re complaining, and my youngest get overheated very easily. It makes going outside difficult, even with water play. We love the cold. Summers are hard for us, and now with no pools or museums to escape the heat, we will be inside

Which is fine, because we were outside while everyone was inside in the winter. We were so thankful for the long, chilly spring.

Hot and buggy is not fun. Can you get a tiny splash pad that you attach to a hose? Set up some water play/ shade outside? A mud kitchen? Mine are really into bugs and we have been enjoying finding bugs outside, reading good bug books, watching bits of nature documentaries.

If not, a bath at 11 with fun water toys is a nice break for you and them. Lunch then nap, if they still do it. We like baking in the afternoon and set a nice table for tea. Or make popsicles. Puppet shows. Band practice with little instruments — ukeleles, recorders, toy instruments, drums... turn on music you like and have fun. Eat dinner outside, if you have a shady spot. Eat dinner on the living room floor under a tent and make hotdogs and other camp food. Easy smoothies for dessert after dinner — watermelon and lemon juice, pineapple and mint.

These are all such great ideas!!

Anonymous wrote:I caught myself saying “I just hope it [summer] goes by fast.” I hate myself for saying that, as my boys are age 3 and 4 and beyond precious. I’m a stay at home mom and our lives are stable and fine.

Yet, it’s hard to ignore that this summer will not be great. I’m not looking for advice on HOW to make summer great. We do all the things and own all the things.

I just hate wishing time away.

NP. It's such a tough time right now. I usually LOVE summer, and I'm sad that this one won't be anything like our normal summers. And of course I know that I'm lucky that we are healthy and financially ok, but it still is definitely sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, next winter will likely be a lot worse. Enjoy your summer. Go outside.

OP here. So that’s the thing: we LOVE winter. My boys and I hate the heat. By 10am they’re complaining, and my youngest get overheated very easily. It makes going outside difficult, even with water play. We love the cold. Summers are hard for us, and now with no pools or museums to escape the heat, we will be inside

Which is fine, because we were outside while everyone was inside in the winter. We were so thankful for the long, chilly spring.

Hot and buggy is not fun. Can you get a tiny splash pad that you attach to a hose? Set up some water play/ shade outside? A mud kitchen? Mine are really into bugs and we have been enjoying finding bugs outside, reading good bug books, watching bits of nature documentaries.

If not, a bath at 11 with fun water toys is a nice break for you and them. Lunch then nap, if they still do it. We like baking in the afternoon and set a nice table for tea. Or make popsicles. Puppet shows. Band practice with little instruments — ukeleles, recorders, toy instruments, drums... turn on music you like and have fun. Eat dinner outside, if you have a shady spot. Eat dinner on the living room floor under a tent and make hotdogs and other camp food. Easy smoothies for dessert after dinner — watermelon and lemon juice, pineapple and mint.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2-month-old twins who won’t nap. No stroller naps outside on hot days and I can’t do mall stroller maid because of COVID. They won’t sleep in the car. So. Much. Crying.

Omg, I don’t remember much from that age but you’re giving me flashbacks to those wailing cries from the backseat while driving. Can you stroller them early in the morning and at night? I used to take mine on an early stroller ride and bring a blanket and do the mid-morning nap and feed in a park. I’d pack the stroller the night before so as soon as everyone was sort of clean and happy at the same time we could bolt. And hang in there, that is a rough age because you think you’re supposed to have the hang of it but no one does at 2 months. Your babies probably can barely stick to a schedule and are growing so fast! The good news is that any phase they’re in at that age won’t last long at all. I promise you at least one problem (whether it’s sleep, eating, crying, etc) will fix itself by this time next month. One of mind is an April baby and I think spring babies are the best because by mid-summer they aren’t so fragile that you can’t take them everywhere, and you don’t have to worry about blankets and layers.

Oh my gosh, thank you for the solidarity! It is crazy hard. I am really clinging to all of the “it gets easier” messages I can get!

Anonymous wrote:I have 2-month-old twins who won’t nap. No stroller naps outside on hot days and I can’t do mall stroller maid because of COVID. They won’t sleep in the car. So. Much. Crying.

Omg, I don’t remember much from that age but you’re giving me flashbacks to those wailing cries from the backseat while driving. Can you stroller them early in the morning and at night? I used to take mine on an early stroller ride and bring a blanket and do the mid-morning nap and feed in a park. I’d pack the stroller the night before so as soon as everyone was sort of clean and happy at the same time we could bolt. And hang in there, that is a rough age because you think you’re supposed to have the hang of it but no one does at 2 months. Your babies probably can barely stick to a schedule and are growing so fast! The good news is that any phase they’re in at that age won’t last long at all. I promise you at least one problem (whether it’s sleep, eating, crying, etc) will fix itself by this time next month. One of mind is an April baby and I think spring babies are the best because by mid-summer they aren’t so fragile that you can’t take them everywhere, and you don’t have to worry about blankets and layers.